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DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20211201T180000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20211201T193000
DTSTAMP:20211115T145043Z
CREATED:20211115T145043Z
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SUMMARY:Virtual Game Night!
DESCRIPTION:We’ll bring the games to you in our first VIRTUAL FAMILY BENEFIT! \nFor family fun that fosters connection\, join us in our fast-paced evening of virtual games to enjoy with your best buds\, kids\, pets\,  family members aged 4 to 99 – whoever is in your living room. No agenda but fun. DJ! Prizes! Six chances to win! \nTickets are limited! Sign up NOW \n 
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/virtual-game-night/
LOCATION:Webinar
CATEGORIES:Benefits
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/GAMENIGHT-withDATE.jpg
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20211014T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20211014T130000
DTSTAMP:20210913T231022Z
CREATED:20210831T004024Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20210913T231022Z
UID:3079-1634212800-1634216400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Raising Sexually Smart Kids with Lindsay Fram\, MPH
DESCRIPTION:Increase your confidence to tackle even the toughest topics related to sex and sexuality with young kids. Lindsay will share tips for raising sexually smart kids including what young kids need to know right now and what can wait\, how to react to questions you weren’t expecting (and when it’s okay to laugh)\, and how to reach even the most resistant kids. Target Audience: Lower School Parents\nClick HERE to register!\n\n\n\nLindsay Fram\, MPH\, is a New York City-based sexuality educator who works with kids from kindergarten through college\, and the adults – teachers and caregivers – who take care of them. For nearly twenty years she has been on a mission to make the world a sexually smarter and sexually safer place\, one awkward conversation at a time. Lindsay is a co-author of Above the Waist: Sexuality Education Beginning with the Brain. She is a contributing author to Unequal Partners: Teaching about Power\, Consent and Unhealthy Relationships\, among other sexuality education curriculum compilations. She earned a Master’s degree in Public Health from Tulane University\, is a featured university presenter with the organization Sex Discussed Here\, and is a founding member of Sexual Literacy Society\, a book club for sexuality educators that has been meeting (and actually reading the books) for nearly a decade. For more information please visit her website.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/raising-sexually-smart-kids-with-lindsay-fram-mph/
LOCATION:Webinar
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_336858623-scaled.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20210930T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20210930T200000
DTSTAMP:20210913T230951Z
CREATED:20210831T003930Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20210913T230951Z
UID:3075-1633028400-1633032000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Help Your Teen Develop Healthy Self Esteem: Countering the Messages of Internet Porn with Sari Cooper\, AASECT\, Certified Sex Therapist
DESCRIPTION:Online porn is becoming a substitute for sex education for many tweens and teens. Parents can counter that trend with good communication. In this talk\, Sari will discuss critical elements of sexual health education. She will model conversation starters to help you address issues like values\, boundaries and consent\, while understanding the curiosity and hormonal changes that are natural to this age group. Parents will leave this presentation feeling more confident about starting potentially awkward conversations with their teens about sexuality and self-esteem. Target Audience: Middle & Upper School Parents \nClick HERE to register! \n\nSari Cooper\, LCSW\, an internationally recognized relationship expert and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist\, is Founder and Director of Center for Love and Sex\, a boutique practice specializing in sex therapy. In private practice for couples and individuals for over 20 years\, she is also a recognized writer and relationship and sexuality expert\, and is the President of Sex Esteem® LLC\, a  company that produces private\, dynamic\, and educational events. \nShe has hosted events for parents to help them educate their kids\, drawing upon her talent for describing nuances and complexities that most people find challenging in addressing sexuality. She has a direct\, warm style of engagement\, and as a speaker\, has given many seminars and workshops for professionals as well as presentations to the general public on how to talk to children about sex. Her warm authenticity and practical\, realistic solutions provide support to parents seeking guidance on starting conversations that may feel awkward. \nSari’s been interviewed widely for her relationship expertise in The Wall Street Journal\, New York Times\, HuffPost\, Women’s Health\, Your Teen Mag\, Psychology Today and Glamour. She has been a regular commentator on TV shows like CBS This Morning\, The Better Show and Dr. Oz. \nSari holds a Masters Degree in Social Work. Her post-graduate work was completed at The Ackerman Institute for the Family and the Human Sexuality Program at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School\, and she holds a BFA in dance from The Juilliard School. Sari’s understanding of body/mind integration\, years of experience and continued education all inform her practice. She uses an array of techniques including psychodynamic\, CBT\, meditation\, and exercises reconfigured from her work as a professional choreographer and dancer. \nShe is an active member of Society for Sexual Therapy and Research; Association of American Sexual Educators\, Counselors and Therapists; the American Family Therapy Academy; and New York State Society for Clinical Social Work. She is a founding member of the Manhattan Sex Therapy Peer Group. \nFor more information\, please visit Center for Love and Sex.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/help-your-teen-develop-healthy-self-esteem-countering-the-messages-of-internet-porn-with-sari-cooper-aasect-certified-sex-therapist/
LOCATION:Webinar
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1892595730-scaled.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20200501T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20200501T203000
DTSTAMP:20200408T153933Z
CREATED:20200211T191536Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20200408T153933Z
UID:2412-1588359600-1588365000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Spring Seminar 2020 - CANCELLED
DESCRIPTION:Dear NYC-Parents in Action Community\, \nLike all of you we have been intently following the reports of the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19). The past few weeks and days have been a reminder of just how connected we are to one another. \nOut of an abundance of caution\, both NYC-Parents in Action and the Addiction Institute of Mt. Sinai have decided to cancel the Spring Seminar on Marijuana. \nAs a reminder\, we are a non-profit organization that relies on tickets sales to maintain our annual budget. Won’t you please consider making your ticket purchase a donation to NYC-PIA? If you would prefer a refund\, requests must be made before May 1st. Please contact us at info@parentsinaction.org and someone will be in touch with you with details. \nMost importantly\, thank you for your commitment to NYC-Parents in Action. While we may need to practice social distancing at this time\, we remain a very close community and we look forward to providing more opportunities to connect in the future. \nSincerely\, \nJennifer Anderson and Eby McKay \nCo-Presidents\, NYC-Parents in Action \nNYC-Parents in Action in partnership with the Addiction Institute of Mount Sinai presents: \nMarijuana Now:  \nWhat Parents Need to Know \n\nWhat are the effects of marijuana on the developing brain\, especially memory and attention?\nWhat are the social and health impacts of today’s high potency marijuana?\nHow do marijuana policy trends impact youth?\nAre you informed of the various delivery systems of today’s products\, from smoking and vaping to edibles?\nHow should parents go about seeking out prevention strategies and therapeutic support for children at risk\n\nPlease join us to hear from our panel of experts as they answer these questions and many more. \nModerated by Juju Chang\, Co-Anchor of “Nightline\,” ABC News. \nOur panel of experts: (click here for complete bios)\nDr. Yasmin Hurd\, Director of the Addiction Institute and Professor of Psychiatry\, Neuroscience and Pharmacological Sciences at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.\nDr. Kevin Sabet\, Founder and CEO of SAM (Smart Approaches to Marijuana)\, author or “Reefer Sanity\,” former White House advisor and ISPS Fellow and Adjunct Faculty\, Yale Medical School.\nDr. A. Jordan Wright\, Consulting psychologist for Hallways and founding Director of the Center for Counseling and Community Wellbeing at New York University. \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/spring-seminar-2020/
LOCATION:Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai (Goldwurm Auditorium)\, 1425 Madison Avenue\, New York\, 10029\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/unnamed.jpg
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BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20200210T180000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20200210T200000
DTSTAMP:20200127T184500Z
CREATED:20191119T213539Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20200127T184500Z
UID:2247-1581357600-1581364800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Teen Scene 2020
DESCRIPTION:Since 1986\, NYC-Parents in Action has hosted our signature event\, Teen Scene. This unique\, moderated discussion provides parents with insights into what life is like for NYC independent high school students. \nJoin us as this year’s panel of 16 teens speak openly on a range of topics that affect their lives: academics\, social media\, stress\, parties\, vaping\, drinking\,  drugs\, consent\, and overloaded schedules. \nMonday\, February 10\n6:00 – 8:00 pm\nTrinity School\n101 West 91st Street New York\, NY \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/teen-scene-2020/
LOCATION:Trinity School\, 139 West 91st Street\, New York\, NY\, 10024\, United States
CATEGORIES:Teen Scene
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/png:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/TS-Sold-out.png
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20191119T183000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20191119T203000
DTSTAMP:20191028T193052Z
CREATED:20190903T023138Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20191028T193052Z
UID:1897-1574188200-1574195400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Seminar 2019
DESCRIPTION:Dr. Marc Brackett\, Ph.D. will speak on the powerful topic of emotional intelligence. \nRegistration includes the option to buy his newly-released book\, Permission to Feel. A portion of the book proceeds will benefit NYC-Parents in Action. \nDr. Marc Brackett discusses what it means to be emotionally intelligent in an interview with Good Morning America. \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-seminar-2019/
LOCATION:Trevor Day High School\, 312 East 95th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10128\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/marc-book-headshot.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20191106T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20191106T140000
DTSTAMP:20191031T152950Z
CREATED:20190903T041246Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20191031T152950Z
UID:1702-1573041600-1573048800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:2019 Fall Benefit Luncheon - SOLD OUT!
DESCRIPTION:NYC-Parents in Action\nFall Benefit Luncheon 2019\nDate: November 6th\nTime: 12:00 – 2:00 pm\nLocation: New York Athletic Club \nGuest Speaker:\nDr. Alan Schlechter\nNYU Langone Center\, Child and Adolescent Psychiatry \nDr. Schlechter teaches the most popular elective class at NYU:\n“The Science of Happiness.”\nThe course fills up every semester!\nHe has also co-authored a book called\nU-Thrive: How to Succeed in College (and Life) with Dan Lerner. \nTicket and registration information to follow.\nWe hope to see you on November 6th. \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/2019-fall-benefit-luncheon/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Benefits
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/image.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20190507T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20190507T203000
DTSTAMP:20191010T173759Z
CREATED:20191007T021745Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20191010T173759Z
UID:1889-1557255600-1557261000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fathers Forum 2019: SELF-IMAGE IN A SELFIE CULTURE
DESCRIPTION:PANELIST BIOS: \n\nChristopher La Lima is a Ph.D. candidate in Clinical Psychology at Hofstra University in New York\, NY. He specializes in evidence-based treatments for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)\, disruptive behavior disorders\, and anxiety and mood disorders\, with an emphasis on obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and related disorders. He has completed doctoral practica at the New York University (NYU) Child Study Center and the New York State Psychiatric Institute/Columbia University Medical Center’s Anxiety Disorders Clinic (ADC) and Pediatric Anxiety and Mood Research Clinic (PAMRC). \n\n\nTeddy Frischling has been the Director of Athletics and Physical Education at the Dalton School since 2002. He is also the director of A Dalton Summer and the boys’ varsity basketball coach. Teddy began his career at Dalton in 1995\, when he returned to his alma mater (alum ‘89) to teach Physical Education. During his teaching tenure\, he coached various middle school and high school teams in basketball\, soccer\, football\, and baseball. Teddy’s legendary love of Dalton and athletics is evident in his two equally spirited children\, Greta (’25) and Henry (’29). Teddy’s dedication and energetic leadership make him a role model for students and peers. \n\nRande Bryzelak founded Nutrifitness to provide a new class of health coaching. Aware of the nutritional fads and lack of standards in the training and exercise field\, Rande has committed himself to providing clients with integrated nutrition and fitness counseling by university-trained specialists in applied physiology\, exercise\, biochemistry and nutrition. Rande was a champion skater in his childhood\, but as he sought to regain his strength after a severe\, unrelated accident in his early 20’s\, he realized that people are at risk from bad nutrition and supplement information\, and from untrained “trainers.” His experience and recovery challenges inspired him to fill a need for seriously trained and focused nutrition and fitness experts. Rande Bryzelak founded Nutrifitness to provide a new class of health coaching. Aware of the nutritional fads and lack of standards in the training and exercise field\, Rande has committed himself to providing clients with integrated nutrition and fitness counseling by university-trained specialists in applied physiology\, exercise\, biochemistry and nutrition. Rande was a champion skater in his childhood\, but as he sought to regain his strength after a severe\, unrelated accident in his early 20’s \, he realized that people are at risk from bad nutrition and supplement information\, and from untrained “trainers.” His experience and recovery challenges inspired him to fill a need for seriously trained and focused nutrition and fitness experts. \n\n\nDr. Palmo Pasquariello graduated from Sophie Davis School of Medical Education in 1983. He continued his medical studies at New York Medical College where he was awarded his MD in 1985. He completed his residency in Pediatrics at Lenox Hill Hospital in 1988. He is a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics\, the American Medical Association\, the Medical Society of the State of New York and the New York County Medical Society. Prior to joining Weill Cornell Medical College in 2014\, Dr. Pasquariello was in private practice for 26 years. Dr. Pasquariello has received numerous awards and recognitions for his compassionate care. “As a pediatrician\, there’s not a day when I don’t laugh — there’s not a day a child doesn’t do something to make me smile.” \n\n\nDouglas Brunt\, author of the New York Times bestsellers Ghosts of Manhattan and The Means\, has enjoyed critical praise for his third novel\, Trophy Son. Set against the backdrop of the professional tennis world\, Trophy Son follows prodigy Anton Stratis from an isolated childhood of grueling practice under the eye of his overbearing father to his dramatic rise through the competitive world of professional tennis. Brunt notes: “The main thrust of the novel explores the sacrifices made for such an intense life\, and how our culture increasingly requires early specializing in athletics to succeed. It’s a very narrow way to grow up and while I use tennis here\, the message of the book applies … [to] … kids specializing in any sport or other activity.” Trophy Son\, navigating the landscape of youth sports culture and the cut-throat professional tennis world\, reveals uncomfortable truths about early specialization\, parenting\, the pressure to succeed\, and the cost of early excellence in our achievement-obsessed society. A Philadelphia native\, Brunt lives in New York with his wife\, Megyn Kelly\, and their three children. \n\nRegister
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fathers-forum-2019-self-image-in-a-selfie-culture/
LOCATION:The Dalton School\, 108 East 89th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10128\, United States
CATEGORIES:Parenting Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20180507T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20180507T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012806Z
CREATED:20180917T223120Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012806Z
UID:1570-1525719600-1525725000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fathers Forum 2018
DESCRIPTION:Your Child: Defining Success and Finding Balance By John Lloyd \nHow do you support your child while he or she discovers and develops a passion? And how can you help your child balance excellence and achievement with a well-rounded and healthy adolescence? \nThis was the focus of the 9th annual PIA Fathers Forum\, rescheduled for May 7th at Manhattan’s Collegiate School after being snowed out in March. Attendance and enthusiasm were unaffected by the schedule change\, as over 200 fathers heard from a panel of experts and threw a wide range of questions at them. \nJeremy Leeds\, a Clinical Psychologist and Director of the Center for Community Values and Action at Horace Mann School\, moderated the discussion. Panelists included Kurt Froman\, a professional dancer\, choreographer\, and educator; Douglas Brunt\, the author of three novels including Trophy Son; Dr. Michael Sweeney\, Director of the Metropolitan Center for Cognitive Behavior Therapy; and Tom Kelly\, the Headmaster at the Horace Mann School. \nJeremy kicked off the discussion by asking the panel to consider their own path to success: \n“If your school-age self could see you now\, what would they be surprised by? What would they say “Of course\, I knew it would work out that way?” \nThe panel’s answers were varied. Kurt knew he wanted to be a dancer from a very young age and drove himself towards that goal. Douglas is on his second career\, having worked his way up to CEO before becoming a writer. Tom had dreams of being a professional baseball player before finding his calling as an educator. And Michael said\, “I was anxious as a child\, which is a good pre-requisite for running an anxiety center.” \nMichael said all the positions he has held paled in importance to his role as a father. “I’ve been a shrink longer than a dad. When I became a dad I thought\, ‘I should give all these people half their money back\,’ because while the advice I had given was all correct\, how important it was to the recipient was not clear until I was a parent.” \nFinding balance\nTom challenged the focus on success right off the bat\, however\, by asking\, “What about happiness?” He predicted that if his child-self saw him now\, he would ask: “Are you happy?” \nEach person must define happiness and success for themselves. Tom asked\, “Is your specialization the one thing that defines you?” He said as parents\, we should not allow our children to fall into the trap of ‘one data point.’ “I’m a huge fan of lots of data points on the chart.” A hyper-specialized kid can be devastated by criticism from a coach or teacher. We as parents should be helping our children achieve balance that will lead them closer to fulfillment. \nMichael agreed\, saying that burnout is a much greater risk for those who define themselves in only one way. “If you have six pillars you define yourself by and one falls away\, you have five left to support you. If there’s only one and that falls away\, you’re in trouble.” \nBut Michael pointed out that pushing your kids to try harder isn’t always a bad thing. “Fear and anxiety have a purpose in the right dose. There’s nothing wrong with kids being ‘medium nervous.’” Grit and durability come from overcoming challenges\, and it’s better to face some of those challenges earlier when the stakes are lower. We should be less eager to save our children from problems. “The development of identity is effortful.” \nMichael said that kids who achieve notable success too early can struggle to fit in with their peers. “Specialness is not your friend\, ordinary is your friend. Specialness will diminish your sense of community.” \nKurt had a different perspective. He agreed that being solely defined by one thing was an issue\, and he admitted that he struggles with it himself even as an adult. But the New York City Ballet hires dancers at 16\, so they need to be fully capable artists at 14-15. “I don’t know if it’s possible to be a [successful] 14-year-old ballet dancer if you’re not fully into it.” He described how he and his brother would spend 4-5 hours a night working on dancing after spending that much time on other homework. \nHe sees that same dedication in many of the kids he teaches. As a Broadway choreographer\, he taught the five 12-15-year-old boys who were rotating in the lead role in Billy Elliot. The boys absorbed a decade’s worth of learning in four months. “When kids are focused and given the right tools\, they become like Olympic athletes.” \nPassion versus drive\nBut not every child has the passion to sustain that level of focus. Kurt sees kids join his pre-professional studio who were born with the facility to dance\, but it doesn’t mean they’re going to go on to professional careers. Dance became more fun for him as he went deeper into it. But he has worked with incredibly talented kids who no longer enjoy dancing. “You see the light behind their eyes die out.” The parents may want this life for their child\, but those parents may not be paying sufficient attention to what the child wants. \nTom agreed\, linking this to his earlier theme of happiness. As parents\, we have to ask ourselves whether the goals we have set for our children are what they want. We’re all supporting our kids in what he called “high-octane schools\,” but he challenges parents to ask\, “What am I doing to support their happiness? Am I okay when my kids pull back and say they’ve had enough?” \nKurt\, who found his own passion and decided\, as a child\, to dedicate himself to it\, said he came from a broken home where he got no parental support; he was “flabbergasted and envious” that so many fathers would come out to a session like this one. \nAlthough Kurt said he couldn’t imagine someone succeeding as a professional dancer without loving it\, Douglas offered another angle. His novel Trophy Son was about a young tennis prodigy and “the cost of early excellence in our achievement-obsessed society.” To research it\, he interviewed numerous professional players at all levels. He found that many of them disliked tennis despite their success. Andre Agassi has said that he doesn’t enjoy tennis\, and Roger Federer said he wouldn’t let his kids play. \nTennis pros described the stress involved in competition as especially high when they were younger. One player told Douglas that he now feels equipped to handle losing a match\, but when he fell short as a kid\, “I didn’t just lose the match\, it was like I lost my self-worth.” \nBefore he became an educator\, Tom was a promising baseball player. He was drafted out of high school and made it to the minor leagues. But he wasn’t good enough to excel at that level and he is thankful to the coach “who told me\, ‘Go to college. You’re good enough to be here\, well done\, but don’t stay and be good in a small pond.’ That was a blessing.” \nDefining success\nFraming such weighty decisions as success versus failure at such a young age can put a lot of stress on a child. Kurt said those kids who show an early love and skill at dance but who don’t become professional dancers “instead become our theatregoers\, patrons\, teachers\, or just great people.” \n“We want to give kids the space to discover their passion\,” Douglas said. When he was a kid\, he had time after school to wander the neighborhood until dinner. He’s said he is not against specialization\, but he’s against forced specialization\, and the feeling that a child must choose early. He spoke to a sporting goods store owner\, who lamented that kids used to buy different gear for different seasons\, but now they typically only buy equipment for “their” single sport. \nTom said that at Horace Mann they have tried to adjust their definition of success. “We hope that colleges say first\, ‘This is a great kid\,’ then only second\, ‘and wicked smart.’” He said that it’s very easy to do what everyone else does or wants to do. “But if we did that\, we’d never have special people like the ones on this panel.” \nAchieving perspective\nA father in the audience asked how to help kids who may be struggling to keep up with the demands of New York City independent schools. “The bar keeps getting higher.” \n“Aim for personal bests\,” Tom suggested. When a teacher signals that your kid is average at a top quartile school\, are you hearing the whole message or just the word ‘average’? \nHe discussed the school’s role in this process\, focusing on the purpose of report cards – they are meant to be descriptive\, identifying where the partnership needs help\, and measuring against a norm. Every year at Horace Mann\, they work on developing truthful and constructive messages. \nAs the headmaster\, Tom often hears from parents who escalate issues to him\, including one father who questioned why his son wasn’t placed in an advanced math class. Tom showed the father sample tests of students who showed affinity for the topic\, who “splashed down and tried everything they could think of” instead of just leaving a question blank when they didn’t know an answer. The father was upset at the placement but the student was not. “He wasn’t a math kid\, he was a theatre kid\, and he went to a theatre school and was happy.” \nWhen is your child “busy enough”?\nA father asked the panel how to determine when his child was “busy enough.” This father observed that his own child thrived within a structure\, and that when he was under-scheduled he did worse because he spent all his downtime on screens. \nThe panel had differing takes on this. Douglas felt that the constant availability of screens today meant that addictive behaviors could arise more quickly than when we were kids. He has imposed structure on his kids’ screen time – an iPad limit of one hour\, except for on car trips. He said that discipline is on the parents. “Once you give a tootsie roll after lunch\, you always have to give one.” \nMichael noted that the subject of screen consumption differs from child to child\, and the same number of hours could signal different things for different children. One child’s behaviors might be typical of his peer group\, but others might be so shy that they are using devices to avoid engaging with other people. “Do a little detective work about why they’re on screens all the time.” \nBefore he was a writer\, Douglas was a CEO. He spoke about how jammed his day was then – he had no time to think. “I felt like I had stepped into a batting cage with a pitch coming every second and a half\, swatting away like crazy with no time to reflect.” In his second career as a writer\, he gets to reflect and gather his thoughts before writing. “What a gift that time is. Kids today are like me in the batting cage. So much structure\, multiple travel teams\, always someone telling them what to do.” \nTom said that “kids are growing up in uncharted waters\, with information coming at them at ridiculous speed.” Does a child have enough time to be settled\, structured\, and thoughtful? Parents have some control over this. “If a kid is over-tutored\, that kid didn’t write the checks or book the tutor.” \nJeremy picked up on this and talked about the Importance of reflection. We all need time to step back and think\, including planning next steps. It isn’t just about finding the time\, it’s about making reflection an integral part of the process. As Michael said\, “Kids need unstructured time\, please find it.” \nHow to engage and be engaged\nJeremy and Tom had asked their Ethics in School and Society class how they define success. Jeremy reported that the discussion focused on communication with parents. Their responses included: “Give examples of what you went through when you were my age”; “Don’t assume that the way you engaged with my older sibling will work for me”; and “Don’t be afraid to say no but give reasons.” \nMichael distinguished between a conversation and a monologue. He said if you want to engage your kids\, start with empathy and kindness\, and don’t start with an agenda. \nAs your child gets older\, Tom stressed how important trust was. If you’re not comfortable that your high school senior can go to a party and make good choices\, remember that next year they’ll be in college. He encouraged letting your child take a healthy risk: “You’ve made a lot of good decisions\, I’m going to let you make this one.” And if they do make a mistake\, then that’s teachable\, although he advised postponing a lecture in the heat of the moment. “They won’t tell you the truth if it always comes with consequences.” \nClosing\nJeremy summed up the evening by remarking on the wide range of experiences and opinions on this year’s panel and stressing that everyone has a different story. “I hope you’re taking away different ways of thinking about how to address issues. There are choices you make; and whatever you decide\, there’s something you’re not doing. That’s sometimes hard to accept.” He also pointed out that defining and understanding one’s values is crucial to parenting. \nFinding balance is our job as parents\, he emphasized\, and he reassured every father in the audience that they are capable of achieving that balance.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fathers-forum-2018/
LOCATION:Collegiate School Auditorium\, 301 Freedom Place South\, New York\, NY\, United States
CATEGORIES:Parenting Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20180411T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20180411T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012924Z
CREATED:20180917T222825Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012924Z
UID:1565-1523473200-1523478600@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:PIA Seminar 2018
DESCRIPTION:Vaping: Essential Information and Strategies for Protecting Youth (Presented in partnership with the Hallways Program of Freedom Institute) By Melanie Wells \nThe explosive rise of vaping and JUULing is a deceptively normalized phenomenon\, with research now revealing that these activities are far less benign than users initially assumed. And yet\, according to Hallways\, parents should not despair\, but should remember this hopeful message: \n“YOU are still the most important influence in your child’s life. TALK to your kids\, early and regularly.” \nIn perfect alignment with PIA’s long-time support for effective communication\, Freedom Institute’s Rachel Russell (Chief Clinical Officer\, Freedom Institute) and Katherine Prudente (Hallways Program Manager) enlightened the audience at the Collegiate School on Wednesday\, April 11 with a reassuring message: you have a key role to play in protecting your child’s well-being\, and there are strategies you can employ to effectively do so. That was the good news. \nThe more sobering news\, delivered first\, was a dense tutorial on the ominous explosion of the use of JUULing/vaping by teens\, and the clinical facts surrounding it. The audience was urged to take note: “We are at a critical turning point\,” said Russell\, likening it to a similar flash point that emerged around cigarette smoking decades ago\, when a long-ignored health threat demanded action and intervention. \nBefore launching into the details\, Russell asked the audience\, “Are you curious? Nervous?” Both feelings were acknowledged. Russell assured the crowd that they’d learn “essential info” to better understand vaping/JUULing and to counter myths; and they’d also learn practical tips to use at home. \nFirst\, Russell offered some background on teen development\, pointing out that parents need to know what will NOT work with this age group. “Scare tactics\,” she emphasized\, “DO NOT work.” (Think “just say no” and “here is your brain on drugs” – tactics from the crack cocaine years.) Further\, she added\, facts alone (even medical lectures) don’t work either. Kids\, typically\, do not ingest these facts and then avoid substances; rather\, the research shows\, they listen\, become more curious\, and then go experiment. What does work\, said Russell\, are holistic preventive efforts that promote social-emotional wellness\, whereby kids develop important life skills. An effective prevention approach is: \n1) Data-driven (evidence-based facts stand up best to scrutiny); \n2) Community-based (looking at all elements – family\, school\, cohort\, teams\, other activities); \n3) Ongoing and strategic (informed by science); \n4) Person centered (keyed to the ages and culture of the kids involved). \nSocial-emotional wellness\, firmly established\, is key\, but\, Russell noted\, it is “hard to gauge.” Social-emotional wellness comprises the “softer skills” (good decision making\, impulse control\, emotional regulation\, ability to weigh consequences\, i.e.\, the “frontal lobe” stuff). Effective prevention programs use skills-based learning to encourage and promote healthy development. However\, working counter to the steady\, successful development of social-emotional wellness\, are a few risk factors. A big one is the adolescent brain itself\, which\, Russell explained\, not only doesn’t fully develop until age 25-26\, but more critically\, develops “back to front\,” allowing the primitive systems (think\, “old brain”) to mature first\, and the all-important executive function system (frontal lobe) to develop last. \nThis late development of executive function explains those puzzling times when parents\, seeing a bad decision their child has made\, may ask incredulously\, “WHAT were you thinking??” The answer is\, they weren’t. The ability to think ahead\, weigh consequences and synthesize data to make good decisions is still a work in progress in the teen years. Similarly\, when a parent asks a teen or tween to describe her feelings\, the blank stare the parent gets in response is not always surliness\, it is often simply evidence of a brain not yet able to find the abstract words to describe the feelings. \nStill\, social-emotional wellness skills are crucial to avoiding addiction (which is\, by the way\, an adolescent onset illness – with 90% of cases beginning in the teen years) and therefore must be taught if we are to help protect teens. Adolescents who rate high on stress (and many in our community do) are three times more likely to experiment with marijuana and two times more likely to do so with alcohol. \nFurther\, and with relevance to our community\, research has revealed a surprisingly big risk factor: affluent culture. This doesn’t mean an individual family of means is necessarily at huge risk\, but it does mean the CULTURE of affluence surrounding our teens increases addiction risks. Per the research of Suniya Luthar\, negatives associated with affluent culture include: \n1) higher rate of substance abuse than the national norm \n2) higher rate of depression/anxiety \n3) immense pressure for achievement \n5) focus on external markers of success \n6) priority on extrinsic\, as opposed to intrinsic\, value \n7) easy access and exposure to substances (with money for purchase power). \nKids internalize messages about success\, noting the high value affluent culture places on external markers\, vs. acknowledgment of the child’s own inherent worth. A sense of one’s inherent worth increases confidence; a lack of it has the opposite effect. \nWith this background in mind\, what are the nuts and bolts of vaping and JUULing? \nFacts: e-cigarettes (ENDS\, or “electronic nicotine delivery systems”) come in many forms\, from pipes to plug-ins\, and deliver differently according to their mechanisms. (Kids know the terrain well. They’ve even learned to take ENDS apart and tweak the mechanics in order to deliver drugs other than nicotine\, or to increase nicotine’s effect.) \nNicotine is delivered via vaporized liquids\, which come in over 7\,000 flavors\, often cannily named and packaged to suggest a fantasy candy-land\, with the young user in mind. (No self-respecting adult is likely to be seduced by “Cake Berry Blaster\,” “Tutti Frutti\,” “Cotton Candy” or “Avalanche Apple Slam.”) These “vape sauce” flavors represent an obviously cynical marketing approach on the part of companies who clearly target young people\, while adhering to the fiction that the product is meant only for the legal user (age 18 and over). Virtually all marketers know that the best time to grab new customers is in the teen (or even tween) years\, said Russell. And this is a $3.7 billion market\, she added\, projected to rise to $5.1 billion by end of 2018\, with three major tobacco companies involved. Teens are blissfully ignorant of risk\, and believe “vape sauce” is harmless\, said Russell\, and though some products are labelled “nicotine-free\,” the industry is not well regulated. The flavoring agents\, notably\, are unregulated\, and though their ingredients may have been approved for ingesting\, they haven’t been approved for inhalation into the lungs. Some trace compounds in the flavored “vape sauce” are carcinogenic\, if inhaled. \nRegulation holds no appeal for companies seeing profits from three million middle- and high-school students who use their products annually\, and some recent research on vaping is funded by the very companies who profit from it. However\, counter to early claims\, there is data to show that vaping has NOT proven an easy path to quitting traditional cigarettes; rather\, vaping may prompt teens to START smoking traditional cigarettes\, within 6 months of e-cigarette use. Further\, the kids who vape and JUUL are not seduced solely by nicotine producers. Vaping has a huge presence on social media\, with YouTube videos demonstrating “vape tricks” under titles like “simple vape tricks everyone should know.” Hiding a JUUL in the string of a hoodie (readily accessible to pop in the mouth for a quick hit) or creating weird vapor “trails” are shown as easy\, fun ways to rebel. Ducking under a desk for a quick hit in class\, when the teacher turns to the board\, works too. \nJUUL\, with its small size and resemblance to a pen or USB stick is the most popular delivery system with many kids. It is easy to hide (adults don’t recognize it) and is convenient – it comes with pre-filled pods\, carrying a liquid nicotine of choice. It’s easily found at any bodega or online. Kids “hack” the system by taking it apart to access the heating coil and pour liquid on it directly to intensify the hit (“dripping”)\, or to swap out nicotine for THC\, in the pod. It’s ubiquitous – and its popularity is going nowhere but up. \nSo\, is this really safe? Russell noted side effects: impulsivity\, attention deficits\, gum disease\, lung cell damage\, bronchitis\, wheezing\, elevated blood pressure and “popcorn lung” (scarring). It’s time to “amass forces\,” said Russell\, which will take “all of us\, working together” to intervene – parents\, schools\, community. Early prevention works best\, she said; Hallways currently goes into the schools to do its preventive work. Ask your kids what’s happening in their schools around this subject\, she advised. \nRussell stressed again that the heart of successful intervention is overall social-emotional wellness\, combined with strong family relationships\, with a focus on coping\, decision making\, stress management\, building interpersonal skills and empathy. What should parents know about what THEY can do to help? \n1) STRONG ADULT RELATIONSHIPS are key. Do your part in strengthening yours with your child. \n2) SKILL REINFORCEMENT is crucial. It must come from home\, school\, community. Russell likened it to teaching a toddler to walk – parents patiently assist them over and over until they can manage alone. Social-emotional skills\, too\, need to be WALKED THROUGH and PRACTICED\, over and over. \n3) REPETITION is key. You don’t tell your child once in his life to pick up his clothes and make his bed; you remind him\, again and again. Social-emotional skills\, too\, take reminding over time to become habit. Tell your children over and over that you want them make good choices. \n4) BE PROACTIVE: talk to your child EARLY\, OFTEN and CONSISTENTLY. Russell noted that kids “value their relationships with their parents and want to know they can talk to you\, even if they seemingly resist.” \n5) USE TEACHABLE MOMENTS. Become adept at the “one-minute conversation\,” described by Russell as quick\, frequent\, in-the-moment observations you can make to your teen. And for longer conversations\, carve out the time needed to extend those teachable moments into a full discussion. \n6) EMPATHIZE. It’s hard to be a teen! Remember? Recognize their lives are tough\, often with social hurt. \n7) DON’T CRITICIZE TEEN FRIENDS. Instead of saying “I don’t like so and so – she’s trouble\,” say that you’re worried about her well-being. Express concern for the friend. If you convey concern\, your child will know that if he screws up\, you’ll worry about him rather than reject him. \n8) SET BOUNDARIES. Be clear with your expectations. Say plainly\, “I don’t want you vaping\, I don’t want you smoking pot – I want you to be healthy and safe.” \n9) MODEL what you want to see. If you come home and say\, “What an awful day – I need a drink!” what are you telling your child? That if things are tough\, go find a chemical? Wrong message! \n10) ANTICIPATE SITUATIONS\, TALK THROUGH THEM\, AND ROLE PLAY. If you want your child to avoid risky situations\, play through them and help her brainstorm ways to handle them safely\, or extricate herself. \n11) ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES for risky behaviors. Russell acknowledge this is a hard one\, always. Yet\, she said\, kids who have no consequences are pitied by other kids. Kids with them\, feel cared for. \nRussell also noted warning signs for parents to heed. For nicotine use: evidence of pods or packaging in bedrooms or backpacks; little thumb-drive-looking things; unusual changes in online purchases; hiding/secrecy (sneaking out to vape/JUUL); anxiety\, or restlessness. For THC: red eyes; dilated or constricted pupils; changes in sleep/eating/activity patterns; changes in dress or grooming; declining grades or decline in extracurricular participation. \nKatherine Prudente\, Hallways Program Manager\, noted that a substance abuse problem develops over time\, and she outlined the stages: \n1) This is fun\, and it feels good. (Your child still has some control). \n2) I want to do it again. (Still more a “want” than a “need.”) \n3) I had a terrible day and I need to get high. (Now it’s a need). \n4) I feel bad if I don’t use. (Now it’s a requirement to avoid withdrawal; fully developed dependence). \nIt is important\, said Prudente\, to intervene before there is a fully developed pattern of dependence. The Hallways intervention system (Hallways Indicated Prevention Program\, or HIPP) follows a protocol of assessment (teasing out symptoms vs. normal teen behavior\, identifying other factors that may be at play\, such as depression or anxiety and determining what intervention is needed); short-term counseling (including learning healthy skills and practicing); and referrals (if indicated). \nPrudente also provided a short list of intervention strategies that parents may use:\n1) If you see something\, say something. \n2) Parents/caregivers must all be on the same page and the same team. \n3) Trust the strength of your relationship. \n4) Always lead with concern. \n5) Use dialog\, not reprimands. \n6) Discuss family history – if there is addiction\, share that information with your child. \n7) Seek support. \nFinally\, she advised\, find your OWN words for talking points. Express yourself as yourself\, in ways that will help your child hear you. Be clear. Most important\, say where you stand\, without ambiguity. \nThe speakers then took a few audience questions: \nQ: What is the nicotine high? A: The “hit” may make users a little dizzy\, but they don’t know they’re hooked until they cannot get more of it. It is subtle. \nQ: Does vapor trigger smoke alarms? A: No \nQ: Are e-cigs as toxic as traditional ones? A: No\, but they aren’t safe. It’s like the difference between 60 mph with no seatbelt or 90 mph with no seatbelt. Neither is safe\, but it’s a matter of degree. \nQ: Where do kids get THC? A: Online\, in the form of oil or “dabs.” \nAll parents want the same things – to see their children grow up healthy\, and to keep them safe. But no parent\, alone\, can face a crisis of the expanding magnitude of the JUUL/vape crisis. Take heart\, take heed of Hallways’ valuable tips\, and take comfort in numbers – we are a community. Stay involved\, informed and connected\, and together our community will find the strength to support our children – through love\, attention and ALWAYS\, through consistent communication. \nFREEDOM INSTITUTE\, a non-profit organization\, was founded in 1976 as one of the country’s first intervention programs. For more information about Freedom Institute\, its services and the Hallways Program in New York City middle and upper schools\, go to www.freedominstitute.org or www.hallways.org. \n[pdfviewer]https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Hallways_Vaping_11Apr18-reduced.pdf[/pdfviewer]
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/pia-seminar-2018/
LOCATION:Collegiate School Auditorium\, 301 Freedom Place South\, New York\, NY\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20180212T180000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20180212T200000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012748Z
CREATED:20180917T222353Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012748Z
UID:1564-1518458400-1518465600@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Teen Scene 2018
DESCRIPTION:TEEN SCENE 2018 – Teen Panel Reassures Parents By Maneesha Sharma \nNYC-Parents in Action’s 32nd Annual Teen Scene was held on February 12th\, 2018 at the Trinity School\, in a packed room of over 400 people\, where 16 high schoolers spoke from the heart. They shared only their first names\, candidly answering questions from long-time moderator and current PIA Co-President Lucy Martin Gianino\, as well as from the audience. A panel of eight girls and eight boys from a sampling of NYC schools (co-ed\, single sex\, progressive and traditional) discussed a wide range of issues that affect high school life in NYC. There were moments of shared laughter among the panelists and the audience alike\, as students offered answers and thoughts that were reassuring yet revealing. One panelist told the parents\, “We students are doing a whole lot of good in addition to [doing] the bad.” Despite a changing world\, with vast cultural shifts brought about by social media and technology\, what hasn’t changed much among teens is how decisions are made\, why friendships are chosen and how different lifestyles are explored. \nThe first topic addressed how teens experience pressure\, growing up and attending NYC independent high schools. The panelists reminded parents that all high schoolers are dealing with the same issues: finding friends; balancing the demands of school work and extracurricular activities; and peer pressure. Several students emphasized the importance of finding the “right people to hang out with.” Friends\, apparently\, may be both cause and cure for students’ anxiety (albeit not the same ones!). Panelists agreed that the increased presence of social media encourages a need for “instant gratification\,” and prompts a fear of missing out (“FOMO”). Notably\, if there were issues at school\, students said they often found solace in friends from camp or other extra-curricular programs\, such as sports or dance teams. Maintaining good friendships\, the panel agreed\, is key to surviving high school. Interestingly\, there was no mention of turning to teachers as a resource\, and “school is never the answer.” \nOn the topic of smart phones and the control they exert over teenagers\, the students did not hide their attachment to their devices. They admitted that while some kids may be “addicted\,” there was some policing going on among friends. One student expressed dismay that\, on a senior school trip\, the students who snuck in phones took away from the other students’ group bonding experience because the phone users were “always looking for Wi-Fi or charging spots.” The widespread perception that technology is out of control and social media is taking over peoples’ lives is real\, the panel acknowledged\, but also noted that teens realize Facebook and Instagram lives are curated and are not a reflection of real life. Further\, the students appeared to understand that even innocuous posts can negatively affect peers\, making them feel left out\, or worse. As one young man exclaimed “[It] can break your heart!” \nWhen asked how it feels to start high school\, the students explained that entering 9th grade was a big leap from middle school: “It is scary\, teachers treat you differently\, expect more from you.” By junior year\, however\, the “vibe” is different\, as the students\, by then\, feel like upper-class-men and -women. The biggest laugh of the evening was a senior’s delayed realization that “now everything counts\, including 9th grade transcript!” In 12th grade\, for all schools\, the college process consumes students. One panelist suggested a useful tip for parents regarding college applications: “Don’t keep talking about it\, we [students] already know what a big deal it is; [parents need to] just know how much stress your kid is dealing with.” \nSound advice for parents trying to help alleviate stress included making time for dinner every evening as a family. Panelists agreed that despite hectic schedules\, dinner together is a good way to relieve pressure\, as it allows the students permission to take a 20-minute break. \nOn the topic of weekend socializing\, the panelists confirmed that there are unsupervised house parties. Sometimes good children make bad decisions\, they noted\, so keeping the lines of communication open is key to managing risky behavior. There seemed to be a casual attitude from the whole group regarding consumption of alcohol. One student explained that at least 90 percent of students in high school have had a drink. Regarding parents offering their teenage children alcoholic beverages\, one girl remarked\, “Awkward!” but impressively\, all the students agreed on the mantra “stall when possible.” Referring to “club kids\,” the panelists agreed that despite bouncer bag checks\, high schoolers do manage to sneak in clear alcohol in water bottles\, for example\, or participate in heavy “pre-gaming” before homecoming weekend parties. Despite this level of consumption\, there was widespread awareness among the panelists of the dangers of alcohol and drugs to the developing teenage brain\, information picked up in school sponsored programs and from outside resources such as Hallways. \nMarijuana’s recent legalization in some states has made high schoolers more willing to try it\, despite associated risks. Some have even seen fellow students smoking in class with a very cavalier attitude. The prevalence of vaping (using both flavors or scented oils and more addictive substances\, such as pot) was of great concern among parents. Students reported significant vaping use among their peers at all high school grade levels\, either to relax or to get high without getting caught. Parents learned that vape shops (without checking customers’ ID) routinely sell the popular Juul\, a small\, vapor-delivery device made to resemble an ordinary pen. \nAddressing sex and relationships\, the panelists reported significant knowledge about health and sexual activity safety. There was strong concern about\, and well-informed interest in\, the #MeToo movement. Further\, conversations on gender equity\, in settings both formal and informal\, are occurring regularly among teens. \nAfter this in-depth discussion of teenage life in New York City\, the students closed with some heartwarming thoughts\, when asked by a parent what “makes them hopeful.” They said they were “hopeful about the future\,” and listed as reasons: their friends; the ability to do so many different things; the desire to help others\, to bring about change\, to educate; and to share opportunities. This positive\, cheerful vision further lifted the spirits of an already enthralled audience. While teenage years are considered the age of rebellion\, it was comforting to parents to know the kids value what is “right” despite what we hear may be “wrong.”
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/teen-scene-2018/
LOCATION:Trinity School\, 139 West 91st Street\, New York\, NY\, 10024\, United States
CATEGORIES:Teen Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170510T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170510T140000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012847Z
CREATED:20180917T222132Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012847Z
UID:1563-1494417600-1494424800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Mother’s Day Benefit Luncheon 2017
DESCRIPTION:Figuring It Out Financially – Savvy Parents Make for Savvy Kids By Pamela Awad \nWe know there are lots of rules – rules of etiquette\, rules for writing\, rules of the game\, even rules for radicals – but did you know there are rules for making your child a money genius? Beth Kobliner does and she explained some of these rules one afternoon recently\, while speaking at Parents in Action’s annual Mother’s Day Lunch. \nKobliner’s mission is to make kids financially savvy by helping parents make their kids smarter about money. While a member of President Obama’s Advising Council on Financial Capability\, she created the website\, MoneyAsYouGrow.org. On Sesame Street\, she taught Elmo about saving\, spending and sharing in the segment\, “For Me\, For You\, For Later: Three Jars.” And in her new book\, Make Your Kid a Money Genius (even if you’re not)\, she explains how “parents are the number one influence on our kids money behaviors.” \nBrunette\, sporting large black-framed eyeglasses\, Kobliner\, a mother of three\, began by explaining it’s never too early to start talking to children about money. “By age three kids understand money basics\, they understand exchange and they understand value…by age seven many of those money habits are set\,” she said. This doesn’t mean “you’ve missed the boat if your kids are 13 or over\,” she continued\, “but it does mean that you have to focus on those teachable moments.” One of them is to “use cash for kids\, up until the eleventh grade.” Remember your passbook savings account? They’re hardly in use today and most financial transactions are on-line or by credit/debit card\, so kids rarely see cash being exchanged. With cash\, Kobliner explained\, “kids understand there are finite limits.” Children tend to be concrete thinkers and only when they’re older do they understand how each “swipe” signifies dollars spent. So while Eloise may have grown up saying\, “charge it please\,” most of us need to teach our children how to monitor credit card spending. To that end\, Kobliner advises against giving children credit cards linked to your checking account or cosigning a credit card with your child. “Not only does [cosigning] leave you responsible for the amount\, if he misses a payment it will lower your credit score\,” she said. She also believes a first credit card shouldn’t be given to a child until she’s a junior or senior in college. \nHow well do you play the waiting game? How about your kids? Impulse control\, or the ability to wait\, is the trait Kobliner believes matters most when it comes to saving and spending money. She referred to the “Marshmallow Test\,” the Stanford study on delayed gratification\, first conducted in the 1960’s. The premise was simple: a group of 5 year–olds were given the choice to eat one marshmallow immediately or wait 15 minutes and get two marshmallows later. The children’s ability to delay eating the first treat was a predictor of how well they did later in life; those who waited had higher SAT scores\, lower body masses and were better adapted socially. Kobliner explained how the children who waited had “the skill and technique to divert their attention\,” traits that can be taught to children\, “if you set a goal and have them work toward it.” Helping children understand it’s worth the wait may be worth its weight in gold – learning the skills associated with impulse control makes kids better savers and spenders. That applies to compound interest too\, (the longer you wait for your money to compound\, the faster it grows.) \nRegarding allowance\, Kobliner advises parents to do what works best for them. “The bottom line is\, it doesn’t matter if you give your kid a formal allowance or not\, to teach them to be good financial citizens\,” she said. If you decide allowance is how you want to allocate money\, Kobliner suggests parents follow a few rules: \nBe clear – Discuss what this money is to be used for. For example\, is allowance to be used for all Ubers or Ubers after midnight; for ordering in using Seamless; for or all meals out with friends or for clothes above the basics that you provide? \nBe consistent – “Stick with what you say\,” Kobliner warned. She advises parents to be realistic and factor in as many variables as they can think of when deciding the amount of allowance. This makes it easier to avoid inconsistencies. \nUse cash and give control – Determine how much money you’re comfortable giving your kids but give them the freedom to control how they spend their money. \nDon’t make allowance dependent upon household chores or grades. Making one’s bed or emptying the dishwasher is a fact of life. And there’s intrinsic value to working; kids need to learn to work hard because they care about doing well not because there will be a financial reward. \nA child’s most important financial decision is college\, another of Kobliner’s basic tenets\, and she believes parents should start talking to kids about college by the end of the eighth grade. “A college degree has never been more valuable; it’s a great investment and the most important thing you can do to make a child a money genius\,” she said. But “you don’t have to be a money genius to make your child one\,” she continued\, “modeling good behavior is a good idea\,” and of course\, talking to your kids is invaluable. Among her “money tips for talking”: \n1) Keep money talks age appropriate. \n2) Talk to your girls as well as your boys about money. (Studies have shown that even today parents talk to their sons about money more than their daughters. \n3) Keep money fights behind closed doors. \n4) If you’re philanthropic\, talk to your kids about how you’re giving\, why and to whom. \n5) DON’T tell your kids how much you earn\, what your net worth is\, or how much you have in savings. Letting them know you “have enough” is enough. \n6) DON’T let your kids know how much you pay the housekeeper\, babysitter or nanny. That kind of knowledge negatively empowers a child and cedes the caregiver’s authority. \n“Teach children and you teach the parents\,” Kobliner said. A solid financial future is in everyone’s best interest. \n\nYou can find her on Twitter and Facebook @bethkobliner.\nFor more on Beth Kobliner’s book\, please visit: www.bethkobliner.com/moneygenius.\nWatch her video here:\nPBS NewsHour with Paul Solman\nABC Good Morning America/Interview
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/mothers-day-benefit-luncheon-2017/
LOCATION:Colony Club\, 564 Park Avenue\, New York\, NY\, 10065\, United States
CATEGORIES:Benefits
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170405T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170405T130000
DTSTAMP:20180917T221757Z
CREATED:20180917T221757Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T221757Z
UID:1561-1491381000-1491397200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Facilitator Refresher 4 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 1:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/facilitator-refresher-4-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170307T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170307T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012806Z
CREATED:20180917T221620Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012806Z
UID:1560-1488913200-1488918600@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fathers Forum 2017
DESCRIPTION:Fathers Forum 2017: You Asked\, They Answered By John Lloyd \nWhat would happen if you put an engaging group of experts in front of a crowd of engaged fathers and let the audience drive the conversation? The 8th annual PIA Fathers Forum set out to answer that question. It worked. The session went 45 minutes longer than scheduled\, to handle the volume of questions; and even as it ended\, dozens of fathers lined up to continue the discussion with panel members one-on-one. The evening provided a judgment-free environment where fathers could talk openly about their struggles. \nThis year’s PIA Fathers Forum was held on March 7th at the Trevor Day Upper School. Roughly 150 dads\, representing 40 different schools\, heard from an impressive panel of educators and experts\, all fathers themselves. \nModerator Bill DeHaven\, Head of School\, Winston Preparatory School\, was joined by panelists Paul Burke\, Head of School at The Nightingale-Bamford School; Joshua Mandel\, Doctor of Psychology\, Director of Psychological Services at Collegiate School; and Jerry Bubrick\, PhD\, Senior Director\, Anxiety and Mood Disorders Center and Director OCD Service\, Child Mind Institute. \nIn a departure from previous Forums organized around a single topic\, this evening’s focus was questions from the audience\, which covered a wide range of topics: \n\nThe role of fathers\nA number of questions noted the changing role of fathers. Bill said that fathers have an image problem\, as mothers are traditionally seen as the nurturers and caregivers. It’s time for dads to stand up\, he added\, as the presence of fathers in children’s lives is so impactful. \nBoth boys and girls learn about maleness from the male adults around them\, Josh said. Men who were themselves taught to suppress their emotions have to guard against slipping back into stereotypical fathering – i.e. exerting control. This just extends this same problem to another generation. \nWhen a father and his child have a close relationship\, research shows the child will be better off not just early on but for rest of his or her life. The list of benefits is long and broad: \n\nHigher tolerance for frustration and stress\nIncreased openness to trying new things and connecting with others\nImproved emotional health\, empathy\, and self-control\nResistance to gender-stereotypical attitudes\n\nJosh works at an all-boys school\, and he has seen that boys who have a close relationship with their fathers handle ups and downs more smoothly. Paul works at an all-girls school and stressed that daughters look to fathers for guidance on how men should treat women\, including noting how they treat the child’s mother. \n\nFamily conflict\nA number of questions focused on sources of family conflict\, including parent-child conflict and issues between parents themselves. \nIf your child seems to go out of his or her way to challenge you – “You can’t make me!” – Jerry suggested ways to interrupt that dynamic: \n\nKeep your own emotions in check (kids won’t respond reasonably to negativity)\nFocus on effecting a change rather than trying to “win”\nDiscuss with your spouse – in private and away from the child – strategies for defusing these situations\n\nIt’s okay if you and your partner have different approaches to parenting\, Josh said. Kids need to understand that mom and dad don’t agree on everything. Recent research shows the benefits of children being exposed to two differing approaches to parenting. \nBe careful\, however\, not to show a lack of respect for your partner in front of kids\, Jerry stressed. Instead\, model how you want your children to react. Are you teaching them that someone’s right and someone’s wrong\, or are you teaching them compromise? A top indicator of a child’s success in school is how his or her parents treat each other. \nFor fathers dealing with the impact of a divorce on the child: if they are resistant to engaging with you\, consider letting them design the time you spend together. That might mean just playing a video game side by side. As Bill said\, “We can’t not have a place in our kids’ lives\, no matter what.” \n\nBody image\nJerry reminded the audience that it’s normal for both girls and boys to be nervous about how their bodies are perceived. He advised being watchful for signs of excess: restrictions on eating\, constant mirror-checking\, and wearing excess clothing (such as sweaters and long sleeves in summer). \nGirls’ struggles\, however\, are underscored by modern media – women in films (including teens) are four times more likely to be shown wearing sexually revealing clothes as are men\, and three times more likely to appear partially naked. \nAsked what the fathers in the audience could do\, Paul stressed modelling respectful behavior. When the onslaught of images comes\, tell your daughter you’re not into that. He quoted Catherine Steiner-Adair: make a point to tell your daughter you love her when she’s at her messiest. \n\nMood disorders\nThe audience asked about how to identify clinical depression and bipolar disorder. Jerry\, an expert in this area\, took the lead in responding. He stressed that these conditions are different from moodiness\, and that rapid switches between calm behavior and anger was normal for adolescents. \n\nIf you’re concerned about depression\, watch for marked changes in normal function\, such as falling grades (an A student now getting Cs and not caring); increased isolation; and abnormal irritability.\nBipolar disorder can be indicated by wide swings from normal to way-over-the-top to normal to real depression.\nSeeing the above symptoms doesn’t mean there’s something there\, Jerry continued\, but they should spark a conversation. “I noticed you’re not spending as much time with your homework\, am I right about that?” Avoid easily dismissed questions like\, “Is everything okay?” and make sure you’re having a conversation\, not delivering a monologue.\n\nJosh reminded the audience that all kids are going to go through rough times. If your child is struggling at home but is doing well at school or with friends\, it may be less of a concern. However\, when parents and teachers notice the same problem\, that’s more concerning. Bill agreed\, saying that “Our kids show their worst selves to us at home\,” and stressed that parents of kids in independent schools should leverage the “amazing resources” available to them. Don’t hesitate to advocate for your child. \n\nSocial media\nThe panel agreed that recent years in NYC have never been harder for kids\, because of social media\, the economy\, politics\, and school pressure. Paul said we’re in an “anxiety epidemic\,” exacerbated by the onslaught of technology and what it demands of children. \nThat said\, he advised against raising the stakes\, which only adds stress. Kids are going to make mistakes offline and online. Don’t worry about a childhood mistake being discovered later by a college or a future employer (who will most likely be a millennial with a different perspective than yours anyway). \n\nIn response to questions about limiting screen time\, Jerry said it’s not about a specific number; it’s about balance. This balance will depend on your child’s age and situation. He compared screen time to driving. You have to prove you can be trusted to drive well. Can your child balance screen time with friends\, homework\, and family? That’s healthy. If the screen is his or her only friend\, that’s an issue.\nJerry said that\, for younger kids\, it’s reasonable to know their passwords and monitor their activity. And if you praise them for what they’re doing well\, they’re less likely to shut down communications with you.\nBill reminded the audience to lead by example. Do you yell at your kids to put down their phones while you’re answering a work email? If we can’t stand in a line at Starbucks without pulling out our phones\, we’re modelling bad behavior. Also\, when you demand that your child put down his or her phone\, then what? Offer concrete alternatives.\n\n\nDrug use\nThere were questions about teen drug use as well as how to discuss drug use by adults. \nDrugs and your child: \n\nJosh said that\, for those with younger children\, it’s important to start the conversation early – “What are you hearing about this?” This will make later conversations easier. Rely on words that have meaning in familiar contexts: “We want you to be responsible crossing the street and we want you to be responsible about drugs and alcohol” – but keep it conversational. Paul said that when his kids hear his “teacher voice\,” he loses them.\nResearch shows that it’s important to set high expectations: the later a child’s initial usage\, the lower the chances of later drug abuse.\nIf your kid comes home and you think he or she is drunk or high\, that’s NOT the time to have a conversation\, that’s the time to make sure your child is safe\, or else you’ll trigger a fight-or-flight response. Say\, “We’ll talk about it in the morning\, or tomorrow evening\,” but then be sure you find a time to talk. Let them know you’re frustrated\, and don’t be afraid to take something away or otherwise reasonably punish them; this is easier if you’ve set expectations in advance.\n\nDrugs and you: \n\nRegarding your own usage\, think in advance about how you want to answer their questions. What you say is your decision\, but if you want them to think about consequences\, it’s important to stress the negative aspects – if not of your own experience\, then that of a friend’s.\nIf your family has a history of addiction\, Paul doesn’t recommend hiding it: “The unmentionable becomes the unmanageable.” Josh agreed\, saying that there’s no topic we can’t talk to your kids about\, but there are developmentally appropriate ways to do it. Don’t talk to 4th graders about heroin\, but you can talk about prescription drugs or their uncle who smokes or the caffeine in sports drinks.\n\n\nStaying connected as children grow\nMaintain communication even when your child pushes you away:  \n\nAs adolescents get older\, they may cut off communication – “Stop\, Dad. I don’t want to talk about it.” Paul stressed that this is totally normal. It’s all about being present until they come back to you. It’s unpredictable\, but when it does happen\, be present\, which means putting other things aside. He quoted Mike Riera: as your child gets older\, the bad news is\, you get fired as her manager; the good news is\, you get rehired as her consultant.\nJosh explained the reason your teen may be pushing you away: adolescence is the bridge between dependence and independence and they may see you as a roadblock to that change. But when they push you away the most is when they may need you the most. Teens need love\, approval\, and compassion\, even when they say they don’t. As Bill said\, don’t give up when you get the initial eye-roll of resistance.\nAs your adolescent grows\, your job is not to always reassure them\, Jerry pointed out\, even if they want you to. Like scratching a mosquito bite\, constant reassurance feels good in the short term but causes long-term harm. Your “protector mode” can stop your kids from figuring things out on their own.\n\nStay engaged: \n\nAdapting means doing things together that your kids want to do\, instead of just including them in things that you want to do. Jerry also stressed the importance of spending time with each of your kids individually. He has identical twin daughters\, and they are often called “the girls;” he focuses on treating them as individuals.\nIf they don’t want you in their room or to open their door\, that may be okay\, Josh suggested. Try texting them (and don’t feel hurt if they don’t respond). Find a way to meet them on their own terms. There will be times to invade your child’s privacy when you need to\, but if you don’t need to\, perhaps don’t.\nContinue to keep the relationship strong even after your children become adults\, Paul said. Girls older than 18 in particular can face tremendous pressures and may find themselves in tough situations. Connecting to older children may mean fighting to overcome your own fear of discussing uncomfortable topics.\n\nAnd finally: Listen: \n\nWhen we listen to our kids\, Jerry said\, they start to open up – maybe not right away\, but eventually. When they do come talk to you\, the first thing they hear shouldn’t be your ideas. If you jump right to trying to fix the problem\, they’ll feel that you’re shutting them down. He said that if the audience only took away one thing from Fathers Forum this year\, he would choose that. And he shared a great video to underscore that point.\n\nPIA’s own Chris Theodoros wrapped up the session by thanking the panel and the fathers who attended. As Chris said\, events like Fathers Forum are a great way to learn from those around you. He also stressed the availability of great resources such as Common Sense Media\, The Child Mind Institute\, and Understood.org\, as well as the wonderful independent schools our children attend.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fathers-forum-2017/
LOCATION:Trevor Day High School\, 312 East 95th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10128\, United States
CATEGORIES:Parenting Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170216T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170216T200000
DTSTAMP:20180917T221255Z
CREATED:20180917T221255Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T221255Z
UID:1559-1487233800-1487275200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Facilitator Refresher 3 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 12:00 pm\n5:30 pm – 8:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/facilitator-refresher-3-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170208T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170208T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T221146Z
CREATED:20180917T221146Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T221146Z
UID:1558-1486542600-1486555200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Winter Facilitator Training Day 3 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 12:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/winter-facilitator-training-day-3-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170206T180000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170206T200000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012748Z
CREATED:20180917T220913Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012748Z
UID:1554-1486404000-1486411200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Teen Scene 2017
DESCRIPTION:Teen Scene XXXI – Teen Panel Informs Parents By Adrienne Barr \nOn a chilly night in February\, three months after a contentious election and in a new year marked by protests on a variety of fronts\, sixteen teenagers from over a dozen New York independent schools gathered on a stage and showed they were more mature and thoughtful than many adults. They were surprisingly optimistic about their relationships with their parents\, friends\, the schools they attend and the world they will inherit. Welcome to Teen Scene 2017\, the 31st annual teen panel sponsored by Parents in Action. \nTeen Scene is where parents get to hear first-hand reporting of what’s going on with their kids.  Moderated by PIA’s veteran teen interrogator and charmer\, Lucy Martin Gianino\, these student “guides” ranged in age from 15 to 18\, from partiers to abstainers\, from competitive ski racers to soccer stars\, from actors to artists\, with over a dozen activities among them that would light up anyone’s resume or college essay.  The group included a part time coat check girl\, an oboe player\, a class president\, and two kids with early admittance to Harvard. \nGranted\, these are not your average couch potato kids; they are a self-selecting group of students who are probably not coming home in police cars or with grades much lower than a B. But they are also an enlightened and articulate group who are figuring out themselves and their futures\, and were generous enough to share their journeys with a roomful of 400 plus nervous parents who sat in the Trinity School chapel\, wondering whether they would leave terrified or delighted. For the most part\, these girls and boys filled the crowd with hope and awe at their wisdom and honesty\, but like any event starring irreverent teenagers\, there were also a few moments that set off alarms. \nThe evening got off to a rollicking start when Lucy asked her first question: how had this politically intense past year affected them?  Nearly all who answered were frank about their schools’ liberal bent\, and noted the election results had been emotional for many.  Several mentioned school mates who had reacted swiftly and enthusiastically to join protests\, take buses to Washington\, create school wide walkouts and question what they saw happening.  They were also careful to point out that not all their friends or teachers shared the same beliefs\, and that sometimes that dissonance was tough.  For some of the seniors\, this was their first opportunity to vote\, and for others\, the recent election made them keenly aware of the privilege to exercise this freedom.  A ninth-grade boy said the “election was a wake-up call to pay attention\, it’s not just about the interest\, but about the impact this election can have on us and that we can have on the next one.” \nAcademic pressure was clearly a concern for the panel. While independent school parents know their kids are receiving a terrific education\, many worry about the emotional price of achieving top grades\, and shining in demanding extracurricular activities\, all for the sake of getting into the “right” colleges.  The students acknowledged they feel constant pressure not just to make excellent marks\, but also\, as one young man put it\, not to “waste the opportunities that have been given to me.”   A freshman girl\, already feeling pressure to know what college she should attend and what she wants to do when she grows up\, lamented somewhat anxiously\,” I’m only 15.” \nA junior boy quipped sagely\, “Competing with everyone in your class\, along with the pressure your parents put on you\, sets up some interesting conflicts.”  Another noted his parents had signed him up for standardized test prep classes for 10 hours every weekend\, which\, he said in a deadpan voice\, is definitely “not great.” “God\,” he pleaded out loud\, “A little conversation would have gone a long way on that one!”  Another young man admitted that his immigrant parents sometimes put undue pressure on him to do well\, but in reality\, he acknowledged\, kids “put unnecessary pressure on ourselves\, and that’s definitely unhealthy.” \nFor the seniors who had either gotten into college early\, or were just waiting for their announcements\, the application process seemed to have a silver lining.  One senior girl said: “The first few months of the fall was like a huge wave of anxiety… but in the end\, in my class\, we all came together and learned to rely on one another … and now there’s this sweet feeling of nostalgia for all of us.”   Another senior\, a boy\, gave parents some remarkably sane advice:  “My parents want the best\, but where you go doesn’t mean who you will be.” \nIf anything emerged as a theme of the evening\, it was a plea for parents to listen to their kids\, and most importantly\, to trust them.  Whether it was discussing homework\, curfews\, partying or friends\, all of the speakers stressed the importance of listening and trust. \n“A little trust goes a long way; if I breach that\, then we have a talk\, but let your kids prove themselves to you\,” said one 11th grade girl.   Another girl\, a senior\, said she and her parents had very open communications.  They talked about all kinds of things\, all the time\, and she found that very helpful.  “I don’t lie and they don’t worry.” \nWhen Ms. Gianino asked\, “What can parents do to help their kids?”  some responses echoed the “how-to” books most parents have read: “Have dinner together\,” a self-assured young man said instantly\, and nearly all the heads on the panel bobbed simultaneously.  “I have dinner with my parents five times a week\, and that makes me feel less stress. I put my phone away\, and my mom asks\, ‘How was today different than yesterday?’ It definitely lets me get things off my chest before I have to start my night!’” \nA 15-year-old girl told the crowd\, “Even though we’re not always supposed to at school\, texting throughout the day with my mom really helps.”   And a senior boy\, sounding like a seasoned parenting expert\, added: “If you don’t know how to talk to your kids\, start a TV show with them\, or read a book together\,” something he proudly admitted he still does with his own family.  One girl described how her parents had begun “a family group chat” and that they had “finally learned how to use emojis.”   She elicited a huge laugh from the audience and also some hope\, when she described how seeing a smiley face from one of them would make her smile in the middle of a busy day. \nWhile these kids offered advice for parents\, many had praise too. One boy praised his parents for telling him they would always help him out if he got into trouble\, “No questions asked. There would probably be consequences down the road\, but at the moment I needed them\, I know they would be helpful.” \nThe night was not all wholesome sweetness and light; the kids did admit that partying\, drugs\, and sex are still a part of many high school students’ lives\, and as expected\, the older kids seemed to know more than the younger ones.  A ninth-grade boy said he really hadn’t seen too many kids getting out of control at all\, and another stated flatly he was an athlete and strictly avoided drugs and alcohol. Still another told of losing a friend group\, after turning down a joint once too often. However\, most of the panel acknowledged that kids are holding and attending unchaperoned parties\, called “frees\,” at many homes\, and that fake IDs are rampant.  At Lucy’s prodding\, several kids admitted they could have drugs\, (mostly marijuana) and liquor delivered – without questions – to private homes\, in large quantities. Some dealers even take credit cards. \nSome panelists took a pragmatic view\, noting that most of the people they know party in moderation\, and that “most kids try hard not to be idiots.”  Those getting “really out of control” are an isolated sub-group\, they said. There were reports of Adderall and prescription drug abuse and pre-game drinking before parties\, but most kids believed that opiates were used only by a very small fringe. One boy was proud to admit that\, when he had been the guy who wasn’t drinking\, he took some “out of control” friends home.  “I felt like I was doing the right thing\, but I had to take quite a shower afterwards\,” he told the audience\, who laughed a little uncomfortably. \nThere was more parental discomfort when some panelists naively explained how they “knew” their drugs were safe. One boy maintained that kids didn’t usually use random dealers\, but dealt with the same people repeatedly so they could responsibly source their marijuana.  “If you know a safe dealer\,” another girl said\, “then you think the stuff is fairly safe.”  It’s probably fair to say that no one in the audience was relieved to hear this. \nWhen sex is the topic\, the kids said they preferred to talk to their siblings\, friends or school health instructors\, and noted hearing plenty of discussions about consent in their classes.  On the whole\, the kids were not very forthcoming on this subject. They did explain that “hooking up” meant a range of things\, depending on the ages of those involved.  It may mean ‘making out’ for younger teens\, and perhaps something more for 12th graders\, although that “something” was kept vague. The panelists stressed that boys and girls tend to develop deep friendships these days\, and many of them are reluctant to “mess it up” by getting involved romantically.  And while these students do seem to have mature and healthy expectations in this area\, one could not help but wonder whether they even have time for dating or relationships\, and whether this might impede healthy development. \nWhen asked how they were handling the growing awareness of gender fluidity\, the panel agreed almost unanimously that\, as New Yorkers\, they were “open minded\,” and that being transgender was basically a “non-issue.” One boy quipped that it was “awesome that people are so open.”  Most also felt that it is much easier for kids to come out today\, whether as transgender or gay\, and that adults need to stop worrying about pronoun changes\, or gender-neutral bath rooms. One junior girl did\, however\, make a humorous plea for keeping some traditional “girls” bathrooms with stalls\, because they were so important “for social interactions” with friends. \nAs the evening drew to a close\, Lucy asked for a few final thoughts from the students\, who returned to the issue of trust and close communication.  One young man wisely told parents\, “If you are assuming the worst\, you might not be doing the best.” A girl reminded everyone “to be aware of your home life\, be at home\, and have dinner together.  Kids who are hooking up and doing drugs are the ones with the worst home life.” Perhaps most importantly\, said several kids\, “Like your children\, and don’t make them do things just because of college. Like what they like.”  An 11th grade boy told parents that it was vital to help their kids “make their dreams come true\, but you’re setting them up to fail if you don’t help them do the work that will make that happen.” \nMost touching were the kids who viewed their parents not only in the traditional sense\, as guides and role models\, but also as friends.  A senior boy said with obvious pride\, “My mother is my best friend.  We are exactly the same person…and because we’ve been best friends my whole life\, it’s helped me go a long way.” When Ms. Gianino questioned whether this ran contrary to traditional parenting advice\, an 18-year-old girl summed it up best: \n“You have to be both\, not just one or another.  Sometimes we do need the stability that a parent provides but other times\, [we] just need someone to talk to\, someone to share our lives with and if you can’t be both of those people\, it’s a real disservice to your child.” \nOut of the mouths of babes.  It’s not always so easy to hear every part of what they have to say\, but so very important that we remember how much our kids need and want us in their lives\, in good times and bad.  Do yourselves\, and them\, a favor: listen!
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/teen-scene-2017/
LOCATION:Trinity School\, 139 West 91st Street\, New York\, NY\, 10024\, United States
CATEGORIES:Teen Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170127T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170127T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T220511Z
CREATED:20180917T220511Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T220511Z
UID:1551-1485505800-1485518400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Winter Facilitator Training Day 1 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 12:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/winter-facilitator-training-day-1-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20170124T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20170124T140000
DTSTAMP:20180917T220347Z
CREATED:20180917T220347Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T220347Z
UID:1549-1485259200-1485266400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:School Relations Luncheon 2016
DESCRIPTION:Your Child: Risk and Protective Factors\, and How Parents Can Help By Melanie Wells \nThe question that haunts every parent – how can I help my children avoid risky behavior? – is not a simple one to answer. According to Rachel Henes\, Director of Hallways\, a prevention and social-emotional wellness program through the Freedom Institute\, the key is to start early\, even before Kindergarten. \nHenes\, addressing an attentive luncheon crowd of PIA School Reps and guests on January 24th\, identified some of the potent forces that put our kids at risk: \n\nMedia/cultural (exposure to porn\, and other sexualized images\, perpetuate unhealthy norms);\nSocial & Academic pressure (the immense pressure to succeed\, a constant in affluent culture\, has been shown to enhance risk);\nGender norms (pressure to conform to these norms can lead to stress/anxiety and a host of harmful attitudes and behaviors\, including harassment and assault).\n\nThese forces are complex and not easily overcome. Although Henes acknowledged there is no “magic bullet\,” she said parents should begin counter-strategies early. Communication\, empathy\, prosocial values\, emotional support – these take time to build. As protective factors\, begun at an early age and practiced regularly over years\, they can serve your child well from pre-teen years\, through the high-risk adolescent period\, and into adulthood. \nHenes offered a bit of background on Freedom Institute’s Hallways Program and how its presence in the NYC independent schools has provided insight into the risks that may lead to unhealthy behaviors. Hallways\, serving the school network through classroom workshops\, faculty training\, parent presentations\, assessments and counseling\, has been in a good position to observe and assess the student population. The program’s focus has moved from primarily substance abuse to a more holistic comprehensive approach that encompasses a broad social-emotional wellness range\, with an emphasis on prevention. Through its involvement with the schools\, the Hallways program has had a window on the factors that put children at risk. \nAlthough vulnerability to the risks may begin before the teen years\, “adolescence is a critical period\,” said Henes. Offering a look at “what we know” about high-risk behavior and its origins\, she outlined factors that have an impact on the adolescent period:\n1) Neuro-pathways in the brain are in formation during adolescence\, and BRAINS ARE VULNERABLE. (The more delay in initial use of alcohol or drugs\, the better.) \n2) Nine out of ten addicts began using before age 18. \n3) Teens are exposed to porn\, sexualized images\, and unhealthy norms; Henes noted that 20% of Middle School students have received a “sext.” \n4) Gender norms are a risk factor\, with pressure on girls to achieve “effortless perfection” on all fronts\, and a corresponding pressure on boys to restrict/suppress emotion. \n5) Affluent culture\, with its focus on “external success markers” is a strong risk factor\, with affluent suburban settings exhibiting higher rates of substance use\, depression and anxiety than the average. Psychologytoday.com/articles/201311/the-problem-rich-kids \nHenes acknowledged it is not known “precisely how the [suburban affluent culture risk] translates” to the NYC independent school community\, but “we assume risks are as high or higher.” With the pressure to succeed intense and unrelenting\, and the accompanying anxiety and stress such pressure engenders\, young teens turn to substance use in a misguided effort to cope. Henes noted that traditional prevention efforts using “scare tactics” will often backfire; while the scary stories and stats may “impress adults\,” they are more likely to “arouse curiosity\, even excitement” among teens. Effective prevention\, she said\, focuses on understanding risk and protective factors\, with intent to equip kids with critical skills such as empathy\, decision making\, and stress management. \nWhat can parents do at home to support their children in avoiding risk\, and to help build key skills? One of the most important foundations is effective communication. Talking about “difficult” subjects with children and teens\, such as perfectionism\, anxiety\, stress\, fear of failure and low self-image\, can help to build their social-emotional skills\, such as coping and resisting peer pressure\, as well as send messages about important values and expectations. Henes recommended a “daily practice” that is based on effective communication. Try daily to: \n\nEXPRESS care. Check on what’s “important to your child right now” – ask who their friends are\, and what they value.\nDEMONSRATE care. Put your phone away to talk.\nASK questions – about a variety of things! (The “doing” of “asking the questions” is more important than just the reply.)\nFOCUS on effort as well as outcome. Focus on who your children are\, not just what they do. (Counter the tendency to constantly track and measure “achievement”.)\nFIND quiet moments to be together and communicate. TALK!\nTEACH that mistakes are normal – they are “how you learn.”\nSUPPORT your children in making their own decisions.\nMODEL your own healthy coping. Let your kids see you take stock of your own errors. And let them see you be “kind to yourself” when you deal with your mistakes.\n\nOne area critical to emotional wellness\, Henes noted\, is the development and practice of empathy\, or the “valuing of others and their lived experiences.” Empathy\, compassion\, kindness and self-worth are tightly interwoven and crucial to psychological-emotional health. Henes noted that in many schools\, emphasis on social justice and the value of diversity are strong\, but the children do not learn how to enact these values. For that\, kids need to develop an ability to really listen to\, and empathize with\, others. Insensitive behavior and low empathy usually go hand in hand. Issues of consent\, for instance\, arise in a culture of low empathy. Healthy sexuality develops in an atmosphere rich in empathy. \nTo encourage healthy development of empathy\, what can parents do? \n\nIf you see an act of empathy (from your child\, on TV)\, call it out\, with praise.\nGive your children the vocabulary to label/express emotions in healthy ways.\nExplicitly communicate your values regarding treatment of others.\nSet clear boundaries and expectations. Kids know they’re expected to bring home good grades. Tell them clearly you also have high expectations in how they treat each other; how they counter a micro-aggression. Talk specifically about your expectations regarding consent and respect in relationships.\nExplain the “why” behind values. Include kids in setting rules of empathic behavior.\nFollow up with consequences if they break these rules.\nChallenge harmful gender norms. Talk early and often about healthy gender\, by “taking apart” gender stereotypes. “Unpack” notions that set gender-based limits on your child.\nAddress mixed messages your child may be receiving. Remember your child is growing up not only in your home\, but in the surrounding culture.\nRecognize and check your own biases and discomfort. Model the ability to speak up if you hear\, see\, or know about offensive behaviors\, jokes\, and comments.\nHelp your child think through healthy decisions. Be there to support your child and brainstorm options\, but resist the urge to “fix” their problems.\n\nLast but not least: ask for help and support – for yourself. Connect with other parents. Do what you ask of your kids: talk\, discuss the hard stuff. Use your parental network to feel connected and supported in the difficult\, but rewarding\, task of rearing children who have a healthy capacity for empathy\, compassion\, self-care and sound decision making. \nThese skills\, though time-consuming to build\, will more effectively equip your children to avoid risky behavior than any set of scare tactics\, and will serve them well into a mature and healthy adulthood. The effort is worth the reward. Embrace the difficult. Go boldly! \n  \nRachel Henes is the Director of Hallways\, Freedom Institute’s evidence-based prevention and social-emotional wellness program that serves over 40 Independent Schools in the New York City area. To learn more about Hallways’ programs\, please visit www.hallways.org
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/school-relations-luncheon-2016/
LOCATION:Madison Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 921 Madison Avenue at 73rd Street\, New York\, NY\, 10021\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20161110T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20161110T140000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012847Z
CREATED:20180917T220129Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012847Z
UID:1547-1478779200-1478786400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall 2016 PIA Benefit Luncheon
DESCRIPTION:The Risky Business of Risky Drinking By Pamela Awad \nTowards the middle of November\, days after the surprising results of the presidential election\, Perri Peltz and Dr. Carrie Wilkens talked about their new documentary Risky Drinking\, to be aired this January on HBO. The film’s about alcohol use disorder and “was born of people asking\, ‘I drink at night and I only drink red wine and I never drink on Sundays…am I OK?’’ Ms. Peltz said. “We started hearing that question so much\, that’s what gave birth to this film.” The two\, who spoke at the annual fall benefit lunch on behalf of Parents in Action\, explained that alcohol use disorder is best described on a spectrum. In answer to the question\, “Do I have a problem?” the film profiles four people along the alcohol use disorder spectrum. \nRisky Drinking is co-produced by HBO\, the National Institute of Health (NIH) and the National Institute of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAA). Peltz is the mother of three boys and a well- known media presence in New York. She’s reported for NBC\, ABC\, CNN\, has been an anchor on a number of networks and is a public health advocate. Carrie Wilkens\, Ph.D.\, is one of the featured experts in the film. She’s the Co-Founder and Clinical Director of the Center for Motivation and Change in NYC and in the Berkshires\, and is the co- author of two books about addiction\, Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change and The 20 Minute Guide: A Guide for Parents about How to Help their Child Change their Substance Use. \nTwo five- minute clips from the film were played\, the first profiling a 26 year-old woman from Denver\, Colorado\, who binge drinks. The segment follows her\, hour-by-hour\, one night over Halloween weekend. Ms. Peltz introduced the segment by saying this young woman did not consider herself to have a drinking problem; the subject went on to describe why she drinks before going out. “Drinking definitely eases the dating world\, the whole point of drinking is to turn off your brain for once and not think of anything. I didn’t drink at all this week knowing I was going to drink a ton this weekend.” The film follows her through the night as she consumes somewhere near sixteen drinks (the amount of alcohol in each shot or drink is hard to determine)\, including vodka\, vodka jello shots\, tequila\, whisky and beer. Around 1:30 in the morning we see her sobbing while apologizing to a friend who brings her home. \nThe second clip follows a group of stay-at-home moms from Fayetteville\, Arkansas who found each other through the blog\, “momwhodrinksandcusses.” “We started doing Happy Hour every Thursday\,” one said. “It’s like a therapy session. We get together and we drink wine.” For them drinking is bonding\, and the pleasure the friends take in drinking and drinking with each other is evident. Some of the exchanges between the mothers in the film were greeted with recognizable laughter from the audience\, most of who were also mothers. But the seductiveness of alcohol to ease the tedium\, frustration and challenges of raising children\, sometimes alone\, is cause for concern. Ms. Peltz said the segment was originally intended to represent alcohol use disorder at the beginning of the spectrum but when one friend asks\, “What do you do when one of your friends seems like they’re in trouble? How do you know when things have gone too far?” it’s clear the solace found in drinking can tip towards alcohol abuse. The troubled mother says\, “I know without alcohol who I want to be\, I want to be Oprah…I want to be amazing\, I want to be a rock star. When I drink I’m not that awesome and I don’t remember. You think I’d stop.” Towards the end of the segment she says\, “ Drinking impacts my relationship with my kids. I want to be able to moderate. I want to be able to function. I don’t feel like I’m doing a very good job at functioning right now\, (but) I don’t think I want to be completely sober.” As described by Ms. Peltz\, the remaining segments of the film feature stories about a 59-year-old man “well on his way to becoming a full blown alcoholic\,” and an end stage alcoholic who has been in and out of detox thirteen times over the course of two years. \nAfter the film clips the women talked about alcohol use and binge drinking\, which has been normalized to some extent\, but greatly affects decision-making and risk-taking behaviors. Ms. Peltz pointed out that men and women process alcohol in very different ways. “We can get drunker faster\,” she said. “Women have more fat in their bodies while men have more water\,” explained Dr. Wilkens. Because women also lack the stomach enzyme that helps the body process alcohol it becomes more concentrated in women’s bodies. Estrogen seems to play a role too; taken all together long term alcohol use poses greater risks to women’s health in general – their organs break down faster\, leading to breast cancer and other diseases. \nIn response to a question from the audience Dr. Wilkens defined drinking level limits. For women\, low risk drinking is “no more than three drinks on any one occasion during a week for a total of seven drinks. For men\, low-risk drinking means up to fourteen drinks a week and no more than four drinks on any one occasion. Binge drinking consists of four drinks in one setting for women and five drinks in one setting for men “or a .08 blood alcohol concentration that is typically reached after four or five drinks within a two-hour period\,” said Dr. Wilkens. She continued\, “Intoxication is determined by the rate you consume and how big you are. Little girls can react differently to the same number of shots than the 6’2” guy next to her. She’s probably going to get drunker.” \nWill college kids develop drinking problems? “Their drinking is so out of control\, so off the spectrum we don’t know if they’ll develop a drinking problem\,” said Ms. Peltz. Dr. Wilkens added\, “People will say if he’s drinking like that in college isn’t he destined to become an alcoholic? In reality most (college kids) grow out of it\, they just stop\, life gets more complicated and they go back to normal drinking.” \n“Part of what you’re trying to do as a parent is protect your kid’s developing brain\,” said Dr. Wilkens. “The brain’s a fragile thing and anything you can do as a parent to keep drugs and alcohol out of that brain\, so it can develop\, is a good thing.” As a young person\, “You’re also learning so many things\, you’re learning how to interact with people\, you’re learning your physical and emotional boundaries you’re learning how to take care of yourself\, what you can accomplish\,’ she said. The take away: when you’re young\, learning can be disrupted by choosing substances; when you’re older\, by choosing substances you can disrupt your life.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-2016-pia-benefit-luncheon/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Benefits
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20161109T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20161109T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T215846Z
CREATED:20180917T215846Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T215846Z
UID:1546-1478680200-1478692800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Facilitator Refresher 2- FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 12:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/facilitator-refresher-2-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20161026T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20161026T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012925Z
CREATED:20180917T215533Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012925Z
UID:1544-1477508400-1477513800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Seminar 2016
DESCRIPTION:Sexual Consent and Your Teen By Lori Gaon \nIf you’re shying away from having “the talk” with your teen\, perhaps you should reconsider. Today\, social media is pervasive\, and kids as young as seven may be exposed to pornography. With this sobering warning in mind\, NYC-Parents in Action’s Fall Seminar on October 26th addressed the timely topic of Teens\, Sex and Consent. The five-member panel\, moderated by Lucy Martin Gianino\, answered questions\, offered insight and gave guidance to parents navigating this complex and emotionally charged subject.\nJustine Fonte\, M.Ed\, MPH and Director of Health & Wellness at The Dalton School\, began the evening by explaining that as parents\, the framework within which we were taught about consent has since changed. “The ‘No means no\,’ that we grew up with is no longer effective\,” she said. While we were taught to say “NO!” loud and clear\, to not dress or dance a certain way and to not get drunk\, today’s teens live in a world of nuance and mixed messages that have had significant impact on the issue of consent. The clear message from the panel was that young people need to understand that only enthusiastic consent means yes. Teens need to hear the word “Yes” from each other when engaging in sexual interaction\, Fonte explained\, and only a clear “yes means yes’’ can eliminate blurred lines and mixed messages. With the old “no means no\,” it’s “easy to see how things get confusing\, especially if there’s alcohol involved with the yes; or if one partner is silent; or says only ‘Um. . . okay.’” Kids need to understand that in most cases “all of those are ‘no.’”\nIlann Mazel\, an attorney nationally recognized for championing children and people with disabilities and filing discrimination suits on their behalf\, often deals with cases involving sexual assault. “Media messaging can be the root of the problem when dealing with teenage sexual consent cases\,” he said. While cases don’t often involve violence at this age\, many young people who have been accused of sexual misconduct don’t understand what they’ve done wrong. “Issues of consent are complicated and can be confusing at any age\, but are especially so for a teenager\,” he warned\, agreeing with Fonte’s insistence on teens giving and receiving a firm “yes!” when consenting to sex.\nWhen does this all begin? In answer to the moderator’s question\, “When do these things start to happen for a teen?” Fonte answered that by age 10 or 11 kids start to explore their sexuality. Their natural attraction to others\, due to hormones and their biology\, is given far greater reach with access to a smart phone\, which boosts the likelihood they will be exposed to sex by way of pornography at a very young age. Asked if the majority of our children are exposed to pornography\, Emi Nakazato\, a sexual-assault awareness and prevention educator\, said that unfortunately\, for many young people\, in the absence of any other conversation about sex\, porn may be their first avenue of sex education. “Pornography is powerful and the conflation of sex and violence can seem normalized\, given the ease of access\,” she said. “Many young men today watch so much porn that they often get desensitized.”\nRachel Henes continued the conversation. “Kids start absorbing messages about gender and sex from the day they are born\,” she said. Henes\, the director of Hallways\, Freedom Institute’s evidence-based prevention and social-emotional wellness program serving the Independent School community in New York City\, noted that all their lives\, kids receive messages about sex and while sexual behaviors may not manifest until middle or high school\, by the time they do\, a kid’s perspective on sex is often one of sexual conquest or dominance. “These messages are in the world around us\, in the air we breathe\,” she said.\n“We as parents need to be really clear about our expectations for our kids. Kids are confused because we’re confused\,” said Henes. “Take homework for instance. We are clear in what we expect\, but as adults we’re often not clear about consent and being respectful of the other person. . . making sure the other person is actively into the sexual activity. We need to look at sex as interacting with another human and care how they are doing.”\nEmpathy\, Nakazato said\, plays a key role in the sexual consent conversation. “Empathy can be taught\,” she noted and is important because “when used it makes it difficult to dehumanize another person.” The lack of empathy\, added Henes\, “is rooted in the ideas about sexual conquest and dominance that our culture sends – so we need to address those with our kids in order to promote empathy\, and that is something that parents can do.”\nNakazato delivered some humor to the somber audience\, sharing a food analogy she has used as a way to initiate a sex positive conversation with her own teens. “Not every time you have sex is it going to be a five-star experience. Sometime it may just be like a snack\, because you’re hungry. Food experiences can have a huge range\, anywhere from a memorable Jean George experience to a simple granola bar. In extreme cases food can . . .make you sick or kill you from food poisoning. It could take a long time to experience a Jean George meal.” The same can be said of sex. You may have to eat “a lot of granola bars before you ever get to experience Jean George\,” she said\, her point being that sex can be experienced on a wide continuum\, from exquisite to horrifying. Hence\, the importance of teaching kids to communicate\, listening to each other and making certain that they heard their sexual partner say “yes.”\nHenes agreed that it’s never too early to offer positive messaging about consent. Speaking of her own “teachable moments” with her soon-to-be three-year-old son\, she described using interactions with their cat as a tool to teach consent. “He has to notice what the cat wants\,” she said. If her child wants to give the cat a hug and the cat reacts by pulling away\, Henes has taught her son to respect that the cat doesn’t want a hug right now. If the cat stays put\, her son can hug the cat.\nNorms and social stereotypes that contribute to unhealthy ideas about masculinity affect both boys and girls. “The messaging is very limiting to boys\,” said Fonte. “They often feel like they’re expected to have sex by a certain age\, and when terms like\, ‘you throw like a girl’ or ‘don’t be such a pussy’ are tossed around\,” it makes them feel like they are supposed to be part of that culture. “Stereotypes don’t stop there\,” said Henes. Teen boys tend to repeat back phrases they think describe what being a boy means (“Be aggressive;” “Never cry;” “Be awesome at sports;” “Have sex;” “Never show emotion”) or suffer being teased or mocked.\n“The more that boys are tied into these ideas of traditional masculinity\, the higher the likelihood they may perpetrate some of these [negative] behaviors or be silent about others who do\,” added Henes. But rather than focusing on these messages\, we often focus on girls’ behaviors by sending messages like “don’t drink\, don’t wear certain clothing\, don’t act certain ways.” These messages don’t promote consent – they promote victim blaming. We need to notice this\, and instead\, spend our time challenging unhealthy ideas that connect sex and dominance/conquest\, and linking sex with kindness\, compassion\, and respect.\nParents of girls\, Henes continued\, need to have ongoing conversations with their daughters\, to mitigate pressures that girls often feel. She suggested parents start by asking\, “What do you think this ad is saying?” and provide supportive commentary\, like “‘I think this sends a message that a girl’s worth is in her body and how she looks and I want to make sure that you know that I don’t feel that way. You’re so much more than that.’ Conversations like this chip away at the onslaught of media messaging.”\nSo as parenting experts have said time and time again\, talking to our children early is a vital part of the job. Keeping lines of communication open is fundamental\, especially when it comes to sex and consent. It’s never too early to initiate the talk.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-seminar-2016/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160928T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160928T200000
DTSTAMP:20180917T215244Z
CREATED:20180917T215244Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T215244Z
UID:1543-1475051400-1475092800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Facilitator Refresher 1 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:8:30 am – 12:00 pm\n5:30 pm – 8:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/facilitator-refresher-1-fapc/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160923T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160923T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T215049Z
CREATED:20180917T215049Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T215049Z
UID:1542-1474619400-1474632000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Facilitator Training Day 2 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:12:00 pm – 2:00 pm \nInitiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-facilitator-training-day-2-fapc-2/
LOCATION:5th Avenue Presbyterian Church\, 7 West 55th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10019\, United States
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160916T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160916T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T214753Z
CREATED:20180917T214753Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T214753Z
UID:1541-1474014600-1474027200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Facilitator Training Day 2 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:Initiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-facilitator-training-day-2-fapc/
LOCATION:NY
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160914T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160914T120000
DTSTAMP:20180917T214705Z
CREATED:20180917T214705Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T214705Z
UID:1540-1473841800-1473854400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Facilitator Training Day 1 - FAPC
DESCRIPTION:Initiating Team: Facilitation\nCoordinator: Josseline Charas
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-facilitator-training-day-1-fapc/
LOCATION:NY
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160511T120000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160511T140000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012847Z
CREATED:20180917T214537Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012847Z
UID:1539-1462968000-1462975200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Mother's Day Benefit 2016 with Gretchen Rubin
DESCRIPTION:Becoming Better than Before By Pamela Awad \nDo you eat the fabulous artisanal chocolate bar one square at a time over the course of a week or do you eat it all at once? If you eat it all at once\, indulging moderately is unimaginable\, and Gretchen Rubin would label you an “abstainer” – it’s all or none – having something only makes you want it more. At this year’s PIA Mother’s Day lunch held Wednesday\, May 11\, Ms. Rubin talked about the differences between abstainers and moderators\, Upholders\, Questioners\, Rebels and Obligers; all tendencies that have profound implications for making and breaking habits.\n \nOf course it’s much more fun to change someone else’s habits\, but there are a few strategies (21 to be exact) you can use to make or break your own. Start with that Ancient Greek aphorism “know thyself\,” which means if you’re a night owl don’t try getting up two hours earlier to accomplish a challenging task. “Set up a habit in a way that will work for you\,” said Ms. Rubin. Then give yourself treats (the most fun strategy!) unless they’re one of the three forbidden ones: food and/or drink\, shopping or screen time. While one person’s treat is surely another’s idea of torture\, Ms. Rubin described a friend’s treat that’s probably a universal delight. Every morning her friend gets up for work\, gets her family up and out the door and once they’ve left she returns to bed\, fully dressed\, for twenty minutes. A perfect example of Ms. Rubin’s belief that if we “give more to ourselves\, we can ask more of ourselves.” \nRemember when you were young and your mother would tell you to make your bed? That’s the number one habit that “people say make them happier\, healthier and more efficient\,” says Ms. Rubin. “Outer order contributes to inner health and more initiative.” (Seems like our mothers were right about almost everything.) So in the context of creating a happy life\, the crowded coat closet may be trivial but a bit of order gives the illusion of control. She recommends the “one minute rule” – hang up the coat\, throw out the old newspapers\, do anything you can do in one minute – to “help keep clutter at bay.” And to avoid the “danger of the finish line” she says we should think about milestones when setting up habits rather than setting goals. “Setting goals is a great way to meet a goal but can undermine habits. Crossing the finish line means you’re finished\,” she said. “The way to think about habits as a behavior you want to do indefinitely is to think about a milestone. Finish lines can disrupt habits.” \nThere’s a framework to Ms. Rubin’s philosophy built around “Four Tendencies” as explained in her latest book\, Better Than Before. The Tendencies describe our propensity to respond to expectations\, both outer (deadlines\, work expectations) and inner (our internal desire to keep a resolution\, for example). Upholders meet both outer and inner expectations\, Questioners resist outer expectations and meet inner ones\, Obligers meet outer expectations but resist inner ones and Rebels\, those with and without a cause\, resist both. It’s like a Myers-Biggs type personality indicator with Rebels a “small but conspicuous group\,” and Upholders the “freaky fringe.” Overwhelmingly “people are Questioners and Obligers\,” says Ms. Rubin\, Obligers being the ‘type O’ who play best with other Tendencies. \nHere’s a bird’s eye view of each Tendency: \nUpholders: While meeting those outer and inner expectations Upholders can be unsympathetic; “they’re harsh on other people because they don’t understand why they may have trouble following through on expectations.” Ms. Rubin went on the describe Upholders as sometimes experiencing “tightening” – for most people rules loosen up over time\, for Upholders rules can become confining. \nQuestioners: Questioners need justification or a rationale for why it’s important to do something. They’re focused but can “drain people with persistent questions\,” explains Ms. Rubin. Questioners love information but can suffer from “analysis paralysis”; the need for more and more information sometimes renders them immobile. \nObligers: The “rocks of the world\,” Obligers should pattern their behavior for external accountability. They so consistently meet outside expectations that they exhibit a “striking pattern of Obliger rebellion\,” says Ms. Rubin. ‘Everyone exploits Obligers; Rebels\, Upholders and Questioners all take advantage of them.” These are the overachievers of meeting expectations and Obligers may suddenly “snap” as meeting great expectations can cause deep resentment or burn out. \nRebels: “Exhilarating to be around\,” Rebels think outside the box “but don’t ignite their spirit of resistance\,” warns Ms. Rubin. Rebels “want to act from choice and freedom and from a sense of identity and they don’t want to feel controlled.” They want to be given information\, have the consequences explained to then and be provided a choice. Beware the parent who has a Rebel child; the simple act of putting on sunscreen can become a test of wills. \nThe Tendencies all lead to making and breaking habits. “By knowing the pros and cons of tendency you can figure out with age and wisdom how to take advantage of the strengths and box the limitations\,” said Ms. Rubin. “In the context of a happy\, healthy\, productive\, creative life it really is helpful to think about your habits because in the end if you change your habits you can change your life.” So for all of us – Upholders and Rebels\, Obligers and Questioners – a happy life isn’t so hard to find; the keys to the kingdom lie within us. \n  \nGretchen Rubin is the author of The Happiness Project and most recently Better Than Before. She has a weekly podcast entitled Happier with Gretchen Rubin.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/mothers-day-benefit-2016-with-gretchen-rubin/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Benefits
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160419T083000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160419T100000
DTSTAMP:20180917T214323Z
CREATED:20180917T214323Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20180917T214323Z
UID:1538-1461054600-1461060000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:School Relations Breakfast 2016
DESCRIPTION:Creating a Consent Culture by Talking to Our Children By Lori Gaon \nHow can we educate our children to have healthy relationships and not become one of these statistics? The key\, Osherow explained\, is teaching children about consent and communication. Consent concerns more than just sexual activity and therefore\, may appropriately be taught to all children beginning at a young age. \nWhile conceding that consent can be an ambiguous word\, Osherow noted the elements that must be present to consent: \n\nIt involves giving permission or agreeing to engage in an activity (sexual or otherwise)\nIt is voluntary and unambiguous\nIt is revocable at any point\nIt is mandatory with every sexual activity and encounter\nIt is expressed by people able to give consent. “If you’re intoxicated\, asleep or not of legal age\,” Osherow said\, “you’re not able to give consent.”\n\n“You don’t force people to do any activity\,” Osherow said. “People should be able to enter every activity consensually.” Teaching our children about consent takes practice. Just as we teach our children to say please and thank you when they’re young\, we need to teach them about healthy relationships. Talking to our children repeatedly from an early age will help to reduce situations in which sexual assault might occur when they are older.\nOsherow gave examples of conversation starters found in everyday situations that can be helpful when teaching about consent. She showed a cartoon* of two young men agreeing to watch a movie. After half an hour one said he wasn’t enjoying it and wanted to leave. The other got upset and yelled\, ‘No! You said you’d watch the movie so you’re staying until it’s done!’ \nIn another cartoon example\, a man with a deck of cards offered to teach a woman how to play poker\, and she agreed. After learning the rules\, the woman decided she didn’t want to play. The agitated man angrily told the woman that since he had gone to the trouble of teaching her the rules of the game she now owed him and had to play. Osherow said it’s easy to see how this behavior can be a precursor to sexual assault. “I took you to dinner\, now don’t you owe me?” \nLike many of the discussions we have with our children\, sex and consent is not a single conversation\, but should be discussed often and in a comfortable place\, for example\, in the car while driving to soccer practice\, at bedtime\, or when sitting down for dinner as a family. “The greatest impact on delaying the onset of sexual activity\, and reducing drugs and alcohol [use]\,” Osherow said\, “is the number of words spoken at the dinner table!”  \nOsherow also suggested when the children are young\, parents should leave comics or flyers around the house or watch YouTube videos with their children\, creating situations that can act as conversation starters. Osherow recommended a starter sure to engage your child: “If an alien comes from outer space and lands in your house and says you’re allowed to get rid of three people in your life\, who would it be? It really is a great question to get children talking\, especially if there is a bully or someone bothering them.” \nShe emphasized that it’s never too early to start teaching children about consent. Beginning in elementary school\, parents should remind their children to “always ask permission before touching someone.” A good phrase to teach a young child would be\, “Is it okay if I…” \n\n… push you on the swing?\n… tickle you?\n… give you a hug goodbye?\n\n“I treasure those opportunities to teach my children to listen to their bodies\,” Osherow said. “So when Grandma asks my son for a hug and he says no\, I tell him that’s okay. Grandma may be disappointed\, but I want him to know that he’s in control of his own body and how he feels inside.” Osherow said we need to remind our kids that if others don’t like their choices it’s okay; children don’t always have to please others\, it’s more important that they do what they feel is comfortable. \nFor kids in middle school\, it’s important for parents to model and remind their children about respect and communication. “Practice asking\, answering and listening\,” she said. Osherow used her own family as an example of modeling respect. When she cooks dinner\, she expects her family to wait for her to sit down before they begin eating. \nFor students in high school\, Osherow stated the importance of partners checking in frequently to make sure that everyone feels safe and comfortable by: \n\nEnsuring consent at every step\, no matter what\, whether it’s holding hands\, kissing\, touching\, etc.\nUnderstanding that consent is revocable (either person can change their mind at any time and the activity must halt immediately)\nKnowing that permission is needed every time (even if the activity has taken place before)\nRecognizing that a person cannot consent when drunk\nUnderstanding that consent to sex should never be obtained through pressure and sex is never owed to anyone for anything.\n\nTo help your children navigate the difficult landscape of knowing when to say yes as well as no\, it’s important to discuss individual family values and personal guidelines. Osherow introduced her children to the values important to her\, early on. “No doors get closed on playdates. I don’t believe that kids need privacy on playdates.” If you allow the kids at four or five to close the door\, it’s harder at 12 or 15 to say\, ‘no closed doors.’” \n“Teaching rules is easier when you start younger\,” Osherow said\, “and definitely helps you navigate these things when the kids are older.” By applying Osherow’s practices\, hopefully\, in the future\, we can make sexual experiences more respectful and college campuses safer. \n*From www.everydayfeminism.com \nLisa Osherow is a Health and Sexuality Educator whose mission is to empower parents and children to make healthier choices. She is passionate about helping to reduce sexual violence and creating a safe culture for everyone.  Lisa received her Master of Arts from New York University in Health and Sexuality Education.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/school-relations-breakfast-2016/
LOCATION:NY
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160301T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160301T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012806Z
CREATED:20180917T214126Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012806Z
UID:1537-1456858800-1456864200@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fathers Only 2016
DESCRIPTION:Ron Lieber Talks About Values\, Finance\, Hard Questions and Choices By John Lloyd \nRon is the “Your Money” columnist for the New York Times and the author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded\, Generous\, and Smart About Money. Speaking at PIA’s annual Fathers Only Forum on March 1st at the Dalton School\, he challenged the 150 fathers in attendance to engage their kids about finances as a way of teaching their values. The conversation that followed was lively\, with topics ranging from how to handle allowance to how to talk about inheritance.\n \nAfter an introduction from PIA board member Chris Theodoros\, Ron began by telling his own story. When he was young\, his family’s financial situation took a turn for the worse. His parents did not shield him from the risks and uncertainties they were all facing\, and he was exposed to some financial realities earlier and more starkly than his parents might otherwise have planned. \nThis experience led him later in life to start writing about “the intersection of finance and emotions\,” first at the Wall Street Journal\, and for the last eight years at the New York Times. One thing he has come to realize is that people who are more fortunate are often uncomfortable addressing questions about family finances from their kids. \nIf we asked our own parents about family finances when we were children the answer was probably\, “That’s none of your business\, ” said Ron\, arguing that this is not a very good answer. For one thing\, it shuts down an area of curiosity. Do we want our kids to stop asking us about other difficult topics such as sex\, drugs\, and their emotions? But beyond that\, it is also untrue. It is their business\, as it has a tremendous impact on their lives. \nEngaging your children in an age-appropriate way can be tremendously rewarding. Ron’s favored response to questions from his own kids is: “Why do you ask?” This is not an avoidance technique\, but rather a sincere desire to understand where the question is coming from. Often\, kids may be grappling with why they have different experiences than some of their friends. Or they may be asking something more fundamental: “Are we okay?” \nRon distinguished between needs and wants. All parents aim to provide their children with what they need; but giving them everything they want isn’t healthy. The more opportunities you can give them to make real choices about what is important to them\, the better. \nThe cover of The Opposite of Spoiled shows a picture of three jars\, labeled Spend\, Save\, and Give. Ron noted that each of these can teach an important lesson in itself and in how it relates to the others. \n\nSpend: What you spend your money on reflects what you value the most. Helping your children realize this helps them understand your values as well as their own. Ron used an example from his own life: the rain boots his daughter wanted. He and his wife recognized that basic rain boots were a need\, but fashionable (and expensive) boots were a want. They decided how much was reasonable to spend and explained to their daughter that if she wanted more expensive boots she would have to pay the difference herself.\nSave: Saving teaches children about patience\, an important grown-up skill. Reinforcing the importance of saving when they are young will establish good savings habits they will need when they are independent – which is increasingly important given the proven benefits of beginning to save for retirement while still in your twenties.\nGive: Teach being generous with what is left over. The abstract concept of “giving back” can be hard for children to understand\, so help them put it in context. To illustrate why they supported specific charities\, Ron and his wife talked to their kids about how their own lives had been changed by the generosity and kindness of others – medical advances that extended their parents’ lives\, the scholarships that enabled Ron to complete his education\, refugee organizations that helped when his wife’s family first arrived in the United States. And they then let their children make some choices about charitable donations.\n\nThe audience remained extremely engaged beyond the official ending time\, and Ron generously took questions until our gracious hosts at the Dalton School politely nudged us out the door so they could lock up for the night. Some of the topics raised included: \nAllowance: Going beyond the basic question of how much to give (one rule of thumb might be a dollar a week for each year of their age\, divided equally between the three jars)\, Ron talked about when to introduce it and why it’s important. He believes that it can be a useful tool as early as age five\, when children realize the money the Tooth Fairy leaves doesn’t really buy much. As your children get older\, before you can decide what amount to give\, you have to decide what decisions you want them to be responsible for. Can you get comfortable with giving them more control over their day-to-day decisions and allowing them to make the inevitable mistakes that will teach them to make good decisions? He provided a useful framework for deciding how much to give your kids in general: enough to have some things that they really want but (even if you can afford more) not so much so that they don’t have to make hard choices. \nChores and work: Ron believes that chores should not be tied to allowance. Pitching in to help the family is not optional\, and you don’t want to be in the position where children can decline to do their chores because they don’t need the money. After watching the program Master Chef Junior with their daughter\, she said\, “I can do that\,” so they gave her a few basic lessons and then gave her the responsibility of helping prepare dinner from an early age. \nPeer groups and wealth: Ron talked about the impact of social media\, which he called an “engine for envy.” Kids are pressured to exhibit only the most impressive aspects of their lives – “look at my awesome\,” as he put it. Help your kids understand that flaunting their advantages isn’t necessary and can be embarrassing. This message is of specific interest to the parents of children in Independent Schools\, he said\, as they are often surrounded by less socio-economic diversity than exists in the larger world. Restraint is not driven only by what you can afford. \nDifficult questions: One father described a situation where his child was late for school and asked\, “Why won’t you give me money for a taxi\, when I know you spend more money than that on yourself all the time?” Ron’s advice was to let the child be late for school. We shouldn’t be protecting our children from the consequences of their actions. \nDisclosing salary and wealth: Younger children\, even young high schoolers\, are probably not ready to know the details of your family’s finances. But Ron argues that it can be very valuable for your high school senior or college student to understand how much money your family has\, and what it cost to raise them. That helps them to understand what to expect from their own lives\, especially since most of them will live in less comfortable circumstances as they begin their own careers. They will be mature enough at that point to understand that this is family information that is not to be shared with others – especially if you have spent the years leading up to this engaging them and developing their financial maturity. \nInheritance: Audience members asked Ron how to handle talking about inheritance\, and how expectations of inheritance might skew a child’s perspective and motivations. Ron felt that you should tell your children bluntly not to count on any inheritance. This should be combined with the message that they don’t need to define happiness in financial or lifestyle terms. “You don’t need all of this to achieve the happiness that we hope you will achieve.” \nRon’s fundamental message was that we should all be investing in our relationship with our children\, using all the tools we have at hand to teach them our values. If your child asks you uncomfortable questions about money\, Ron’s advice is to “seize those moments. Your family will be richer for it.”
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fathers-only-2016/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Parenting Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20160201T180000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20160201T200000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012748Z
CREATED:20180917T213516Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012748Z
UID:1535-1454349600-1454356800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Teen Scene 2016
DESCRIPTION:By Melanie Wells \nPIA’s signature event\, Teen Scene XXX\, celebrated its 30th birthday February 1st\, reassuring the audience that their kids really are okay – despite the suggestive Roman numeral in the title. With PIA’s Lucy Martin Gianino moderating the articulate teen panel\, parents\, as always\, heard candid talk from the 9th to 12th graders. The consistent message is\, still\, New York City independent school teens are a thoughtful and savvy bunch\, capable of making good decisions\, negotiating the shoals of adolescence and moving successfully to college and beyond. \n \nAsked to look back and reflect on Teen Scene’s endurance\, Lucy (as moderator since 1986) provided the backstory: \nOur first Teen Scene had an audience of just 30 parents\, mostly women. (By comparison\, the 2016 event sold out at 400\, with many fathers present.) The impetus to hold that first event\, she said\, came from “a distressing story\, that a young woman from one of our schools – a teen who was on track academically\, doing great – was killed by a hit and run driver as she emerged from a bar at 4 a.m.” As the news spread\, a friend said\, “Everyone is talking about this\, but not to us\, the kids. Just because we might be in a bar doesn’t mean we’re loose\, or bad. Instead of all the adults talking to each other ABOUT us\, why don’t they talk TO us?” \nThat struck everyone as “a fair question\,” and it triggered the first Teen Scene\, PIA’s serious answer to a legitimate teen wish that the adults hear directly from them. Since then\, Lucy said\, “We’ve never wavered from our mission to support these teens in their quest to speak out on behalf of their peers.” Teen Scene\, she added\, is “NOT an expose. We don’t look for secrets\,” but rather\, for a way to let teens “express to us what is going on in their world.” That was valid in 1986 and it’s still valid in 2016. \nHave the teen panelists changed much? \nIt’s not so much that teens have changed\, as that concerns have shifted\, said Lucy. Consent and stress are big issues now. And there are other differences; to go back 30 years is to view a time that was somehow more innocent. Panelists’ revelations then felt more “shocking.” There were no social media platforms\, no way for adults to eavesdrop electronically on teen talk\, no easy way to track what kids did or where they went – unless they told you. Today\, everything’s “out there\,” and it’s immediate. That wasn’t so in 1986 so Teen Scene “reveals” came as more of a shock\, sounding “a bit naughtier\,” said Lucy. \nThen\, parents heard their kids were sneaking out at night – a “big naughty” — but no one even talks about that now\, said Lucy. The “shock” bar is set much higher. Teens now may talk about oral sex\, but even that doesn’t reverberate as it did at first; our audiences have been hearing about it for years. What has changed is the focus. Teens now say they want values related conversation. This year\, although they talked about sexuality and admitted to some promiscuity\, what they really wanted to discuss was consent. Today’s teens are struggling to figure out boundaries and identify what constitutes consent. They already have data on birth control and STDs at their fingertips\, but the meaning of consent\, for them and for healthy relationships\, is not so obvious. Understanding intangibles and figuring out what to do – or not do – won’t happen just Googling data. Greater ethical clarity requires time\, attention and a genuine parental effort to engage in conversation. \nPanelists noted that while they want conversation with parents on this and other sensitive topics\, they don’t want it in “a lecturing way.” Don’t wait until 11th grade to start talking\, either\, they said. Talk about the hard stuff in advance – alcohol\, drugs\, consent. Lucy felt that\, unlike 30 years ago\, kids welcome dialogue even if it’s awkward. PIA Co-President Amy Lloyd noted\, similarly\, that the panel “praised parents for talking to them about sex even if it was embarrassing at the time\, particularly with regard to birth control.” Discussions may be tough to initiate\, but become easier with time\, as the child matures. \nLucy added that\, unlike 30 years ago when kids sent a “leave us alone\, just trust us” message\, they now prefer to engage. Amy noted\, “Teens this year seemed noticeably more connected to their parents.” Alcohol is still big: “Kids are gonna drink\, you can’t stop them\,” said the panel\, but that doesn’t mean they don’t want discussion. Lucy asked if they’d want to “sit and have a drink with a parent?” No\, they said\, but we’d like tips\, guidelines\, and a full conversation. Not just “DON’T DO IT\,” or a lecture\, but real information. Amy Lloyd: “They are thankful when parents talk candidly to them\, as long as parents give the ‘why’ behind the ‘don’t do it.’” \nThe kids have absorbed the rule that there should be a go-to person if there’s trouble\, and agreed they’d seek adult help if a friend were dangerously drunk. But they really want to talk with parents about bad scenarios BEFORE they happen. Panelists noted\, “We’d rather be the kid taking care of someone than the kid BEING taken care of.” Abstainers are not put down. Nor are the kids who prefer to just stay at home\, or who suffer from “FOMO” (fear of missing out). \nAlcohol is very accessible\, said Lucy. Fake ID’s make purchasing ridiculously easy. It was much harder 30 years ago\, involving trips into the park or other shadowy places to buy. With fake IDs\, and the amount of ready cash available to many kids\, purchasing power is almost limitless. \nWhat emerged as the big concern now\, vs. then? \nLucy said the panel emphasized it was clearly STRESS. In 1986\, stress arose in senior year around college applications\, but it hits now with disturbing force as soon as the kids enter 9th grade. They arrive in high school and “On day one\, boom! It starts\,” she said. The teens don’t seem resentful that stress is “put on them;” in fact\, they put it on themselves\, and even self-identify as “angsty kids.” Deflective humor aside\, though\, stress is a huge problem for them. \nLucy added\, “Alcohol is still there. Drugs are still there. But the way they hit the ground running as freshmen\, is nothing remotely like 30 years ago. Stress is SO much worse today.” The kids appreciate New York City\, being at the “center of everything\,” but they don’t know how to “get off the merry go round.” While they wouldn’t trade for a slower-paced locale\, they wish life weren’t so pressured. Academic stress\, in particular\, can lead to prescription drug abuse\, to help them ace important tests. Lucy asked the kids if they worried about harm to the brain; they said\, “We just need to get through that test – you do what you have to do to get the good grade. Worry about side effects later.” They sounded like little driven adults\, said Lucy\, but not healthy ones. That wasn’t so true 30 years ago. \nWhat about discipline\, when they “screw up?” Have attitudes changed? \nKids want parents to “let us make all our own mistakes.” And\, “If you’re mad at me for doing poorly\, it’s nothing to how bad I feel and how mad I am at myself\,” said panelists. The message in 1986 was “parents should just trust me\,” Lucy recalled. Now\, it’s more complex: the kids report feeling “worse than [parents] do” if they screw up. The underlying message: an explosion of parental anger won’t do much good. A calm serious talk just might. \nAmy noted that the teen panel “valued parents who don’t just propose punishment\, but let kids make their own mistakes and learn from them.” One was grateful for parents who said\, “If you’re going to make a stupid mistake\, do it under our roof.” Another said\, “We have a policy where my parents will come and pick me up no matter where I am and in what condition I’m in and will not ask any questions until the next day.” \nWill Teen Scene stay relevant? Could there be a Teen Scene LV? \nYes maybe\, said Lucy\, even probably – but who knows what 25 years from now will look like? There are constants: Parent will always want to care for\, love and protect their child\, and the child will want to experience those things. How we present that might look very different. Maybe the event will be digitally managed? Whatever the delivery system\, the adolescent urge to experiment\, and the parental urge to share knowledge\, love and instruct their children well\, are strong and will remain so. For those reasons\, Teen Scene – either in this format or a different one – will likely continue to be a bridge between our essentially well-meaning kids and their worried but well-meaning parents. \nLucy summed up: What will still matter is “the humanity.” When asked why kids are mean to each other online\, the panelists said\, “Because people are stupid.” “Youth is thoughtless\,” Lucy said. Parents must teach humane values like kindness and empathy. It may be “harder now for parents to know what their job is\,” she acknowledged. The steps to adulthood 30 years ago were more narrowly defined; choices are wider now\, making guidance even more important. But parental willingness to talk openly and give guidance is still valuable to teens. That’s reinforced year after year\, straight from teen mouths. \nIn the final analysis\, Teen Scene may simply be best at reminding parents that these kids are\, after all is said and done\, darn good people.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/teen-scene-2016/
LOCATION:NY
CATEGORIES:Teen Scene
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
END:VCALENDAR