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SUMMARY:Raising Sexually Smart Kids with Lindsay Fram\, MPH
DESCRIPTION:Increase your confidence to tackle even the toughest topics related to sex and sexuality with young kids. Lindsay will share tips for raising sexually smart kids including what young kids need to know right now and what can wait\, how to react to questions you weren’t expecting (and when it’s okay to laugh)\, and how to reach even the most resistant kids. Target Audience: Lower School Parents\nClick HERE to register!\n\n\n\nLindsay Fram\, MPH\, is a New York City-based sexuality educator who works with kids from kindergarten through college\, and the adults – teachers and caregivers – who take care of them. For nearly twenty years she has been on a mission to make the world a sexually smarter and sexually safer place\, one awkward conversation at a time. Lindsay is a co-author of Above the Waist: Sexuality Education Beginning with the Brain. She is a contributing author to Unequal Partners: Teaching about Power\, Consent and Unhealthy Relationships\, among other sexuality education curriculum compilations. She earned a Master’s degree in Public Health from Tulane University\, is a featured university presenter with the organization Sex Discussed Here\, and is a founding member of Sexual Literacy Society\, a book club for sexuality educators that has been meeting (and actually reading the books) for nearly a decade. For more information please visit her website.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/raising-sexually-smart-kids-with-lindsay-fram-mph/
LOCATION:Webinar
CATEGORIES:Webinars
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ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
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DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20210930T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20210930T200000
DTSTAMP:20210913T230951Z
CREATED:20210831T003930Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20210913T230951Z
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SUMMARY:Help Your Teen Develop Healthy Self Esteem: Countering the Messages of Internet Porn with Sari Cooper\, AASECT\, Certified Sex Therapist
DESCRIPTION:Online porn is becoming a substitute for sex education for many tweens and teens. Parents can counter that trend with good communication. In this talk\, Sari will discuss critical elements of sexual health education. She will model conversation starters to help you address issues like values\, boundaries and consent\, while understanding the curiosity and hormonal changes that are natural to this age group. Parents will leave this presentation feeling more confident about starting potentially awkward conversations with their teens about sexuality and self-esteem. Target Audience: Middle & Upper School Parents \nClick HERE to register! \n\nSari Cooper\, LCSW\, an internationally recognized relationship expert and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist\, is Founder and Director of Center for Love and Sex\, a boutique practice specializing in sex therapy. In private practice for couples and individuals for over 20 years\, she is also a recognized writer and relationship and sexuality expert\, and is the President of Sex Esteem® LLC\, a  company that produces private\, dynamic\, and educational events. \nShe has hosted events for parents to help them educate their kids\, drawing upon her talent for describing nuances and complexities that most people find challenging in addressing sexuality. She has a direct\, warm style of engagement\, and as a speaker\, has given many seminars and workshops for professionals as well as presentations to the general public on how to talk to children about sex. Her warm authenticity and practical\, realistic solutions provide support to parents seeking guidance on starting conversations that may feel awkward. \nSari’s been interviewed widely for her relationship expertise in The Wall Street Journal\, New York Times\, HuffPost\, Women’s Health\, Your Teen Mag\, Psychology Today and Glamour. She has been a regular commentator on TV shows like CBS This Morning\, The Better Show and Dr. Oz. \nSari holds a Masters Degree in Social Work. Her post-graduate work was completed at The Ackerman Institute for the Family and the Human Sexuality Program at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School\, and she holds a BFA in dance from The Juilliard School. Sari’s understanding of body/mind integration\, years of experience and continued education all inform her practice. She uses an array of techniques including psychodynamic\, CBT\, meditation\, and exercises reconfigured from her work as a professional choreographer and dancer. \nShe is an active member of Society for Sexual Therapy and Research; Association of American Sexual Educators\, Counselors and Therapists; the American Family Therapy Academy; and New York State Society for Clinical Social Work. She is a founding member of the Manhattan Sex Therapy Peer Group. \nFor more information\, please visit Center for Love and Sex.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/help-your-teen-develop-healthy-self-esteem-countering-the-messages-of-internet-porn-with-sari-cooper-aasect-certified-sex-therapist/
LOCATION:Webinar
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1892595730-scaled.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
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DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20200501T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20200501T203000
DTSTAMP:20200408T153933Z
CREATED:20200211T191536Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20200408T153933Z
UID:2412-1588359600-1588365000@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Spring Seminar 2020 - CANCELLED
DESCRIPTION:Dear NYC-Parents in Action Community\, \nLike all of you we have been intently following the reports of the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19). The past few weeks and days have been a reminder of just how connected we are to one another. \nOut of an abundance of caution\, both NYC-Parents in Action and the Addiction Institute of Mt. Sinai have decided to cancel the Spring Seminar on Marijuana. \nAs a reminder\, we are a non-profit organization that relies on tickets sales to maintain our annual budget. Won’t you please consider making your ticket purchase a donation to NYC-PIA? If you would prefer a refund\, requests must be made before May 1st. Please contact us at info@parentsinaction.org and someone will be in touch with you with details. \nMost importantly\, thank you for your commitment to NYC-Parents in Action. While we may need to practice social distancing at this time\, we remain a very close community and we look forward to providing more opportunities to connect in the future. \nSincerely\, \nJennifer Anderson and Eby McKay \nCo-Presidents\, NYC-Parents in Action \nNYC-Parents in Action in partnership with the Addiction Institute of Mount Sinai presents: \nMarijuana Now:  \nWhat Parents Need to Know \n\nWhat are the effects of marijuana on the developing brain\, especially memory and attention?\nWhat are the social and health impacts of today’s high potency marijuana?\nHow do marijuana policy trends impact youth?\nAre you informed of the various delivery systems of today’s products\, from smoking and vaping to edibles?\nHow should parents go about seeking out prevention strategies and therapeutic support for children at risk\n\nPlease join us to hear from our panel of experts as they answer these questions and many more. \nModerated by Juju Chang\, Co-Anchor of “Nightline\,” ABC News. \nOur panel of experts: (click here for complete bios)\nDr. Yasmin Hurd\, Director of the Addiction Institute and Professor of Psychiatry\, Neuroscience and Pharmacological Sciences at Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.\nDr. Kevin Sabet\, Founder and CEO of SAM (Smart Approaches to Marijuana)\, author or “Reefer Sanity\,” former White House advisor and ISPS Fellow and Adjunct Faculty\, Yale Medical School.\nDr. A. Jordan Wright\, Consulting psychologist for Hallways and founding Director of the Center for Counseling and Community Wellbeing at New York University. \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/spring-seminar-2020/
LOCATION:Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai (Goldwurm Auditorium)\, 1425 Madison Avenue\, New York\, 10029\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/unnamed.jpg
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BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20191119T183000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20191119T203000
DTSTAMP:20191028T193052Z
CREATED:20190903T023138Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20191028T193052Z
UID:1897-1574188200-1574195400@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Seminar 2019
DESCRIPTION:Dr. Marc Brackett\, Ph.D. will speak on the powerful topic of emotional intelligence. \nRegistration includes the option to buy his newly-released book\, Permission to Feel. A portion of the book proceeds will benefit NYC-Parents in Action. \nDr. Marc Brackett discusses what it means to be emotionally intelligent in an interview with Good Morning America. \nRegister Now
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-seminar-2019/
LOCATION:Trevor Day High School\, 312 East 95th Street\, New York\, NY\, 10128\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ATTACH;FMTTYPE=image/jpeg:https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/09/marc-book-headshot.jpg
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20180411T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20180411T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012924Z
CREATED:20180917T222825Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012924Z
UID:1565-1523473200-1523478600@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:PIA Seminar 2018
DESCRIPTION:Vaping: Essential Information and Strategies for Protecting Youth (Presented in partnership with the Hallways Program of Freedom Institute) By Melanie Wells \nThe explosive rise of vaping and JUULing is a deceptively normalized phenomenon\, with research now revealing that these activities are far less benign than users initially assumed. And yet\, according to Hallways\, parents should not despair\, but should remember this hopeful message: \n“YOU are still the most important influence in your child’s life. TALK to your kids\, early and regularly.” \nIn perfect alignment with PIA’s long-time support for effective communication\, Freedom Institute’s Rachel Russell (Chief Clinical Officer\, Freedom Institute) and Katherine Prudente (Hallways Program Manager) enlightened the audience at the Collegiate School on Wednesday\, April 11 with a reassuring message: you have a key role to play in protecting your child’s well-being\, and there are strategies you can employ to effectively do so. That was the good news. \nThe more sobering news\, delivered first\, was a dense tutorial on the ominous explosion of the use of JUULing/vaping by teens\, and the clinical facts surrounding it. The audience was urged to take note: “We are at a critical turning point\,” said Russell\, likening it to a similar flash point that emerged around cigarette smoking decades ago\, when a long-ignored health threat demanded action and intervention. \nBefore launching into the details\, Russell asked the audience\, “Are you curious? Nervous?” Both feelings were acknowledged. Russell assured the crowd that they’d learn “essential info” to better understand vaping/JUULing and to counter myths; and they’d also learn practical tips to use at home. \nFirst\, Russell offered some background on teen development\, pointing out that parents need to know what will NOT work with this age group. “Scare tactics\,” she emphasized\, “DO NOT work.” (Think “just say no” and “here is your brain on drugs” – tactics from the crack cocaine years.) Further\, she added\, facts alone (even medical lectures) don’t work either. Kids\, typically\, do not ingest these facts and then avoid substances; rather\, the research shows\, they listen\, become more curious\, and then go experiment. What does work\, said Russell\, are holistic preventive efforts that promote social-emotional wellness\, whereby kids develop important life skills. An effective prevention approach is: \n1) Data-driven (evidence-based facts stand up best to scrutiny); \n2) Community-based (looking at all elements – family\, school\, cohort\, teams\, other activities); \n3) Ongoing and strategic (informed by science); \n4) Person centered (keyed to the ages and culture of the kids involved). \nSocial-emotional wellness\, firmly established\, is key\, but\, Russell noted\, it is “hard to gauge.” Social-emotional wellness comprises the “softer skills” (good decision making\, impulse control\, emotional regulation\, ability to weigh consequences\, i.e.\, the “frontal lobe” stuff). Effective prevention programs use skills-based learning to encourage and promote healthy development. However\, working counter to the steady\, successful development of social-emotional wellness\, are a few risk factors. A big one is the adolescent brain itself\, which\, Russell explained\, not only doesn’t fully develop until age 25-26\, but more critically\, develops “back to front\,” allowing the primitive systems (think\, “old brain”) to mature first\, and the all-important executive function system (frontal lobe) to develop last. \nThis late development of executive function explains those puzzling times when parents\, seeing a bad decision their child has made\, may ask incredulously\, “WHAT were you thinking??” The answer is\, they weren’t. The ability to think ahead\, weigh consequences and synthesize data to make good decisions is still a work in progress in the teen years. Similarly\, when a parent asks a teen or tween to describe her feelings\, the blank stare the parent gets in response is not always surliness\, it is often simply evidence of a brain not yet able to find the abstract words to describe the feelings. \nStill\, social-emotional wellness skills are crucial to avoiding addiction (which is\, by the way\, an adolescent onset illness – with 90% of cases beginning in the teen years) and therefore must be taught if we are to help protect teens. Adolescents who rate high on stress (and many in our community do) are three times more likely to experiment with marijuana and two times more likely to do so with alcohol. \nFurther\, and with relevance to our community\, research has revealed a surprisingly big risk factor: affluent culture. This doesn’t mean an individual family of means is necessarily at huge risk\, but it does mean the CULTURE of affluence surrounding our teens increases addiction risks. Per the research of Suniya Luthar\, negatives associated with affluent culture include: \n1) higher rate of substance abuse than the national norm \n2) higher rate of depression/anxiety \n3) immense pressure for achievement \n5) focus on external markers of success \n6) priority on extrinsic\, as opposed to intrinsic\, value \n7) easy access and exposure to substances (with money for purchase power). \nKids internalize messages about success\, noting the high value affluent culture places on external markers\, vs. acknowledgment of the child’s own inherent worth. A sense of one’s inherent worth increases confidence; a lack of it has the opposite effect. \nWith this background in mind\, what are the nuts and bolts of vaping and JUULing? \nFacts: e-cigarettes (ENDS\, or “electronic nicotine delivery systems”) come in many forms\, from pipes to plug-ins\, and deliver differently according to their mechanisms. (Kids know the terrain well. They’ve even learned to take ENDS apart and tweak the mechanics in order to deliver drugs other than nicotine\, or to increase nicotine’s effect.) \nNicotine is delivered via vaporized liquids\, which come in over 7\,000 flavors\, often cannily named and packaged to suggest a fantasy candy-land\, with the young user in mind. (No self-respecting adult is likely to be seduced by “Cake Berry Blaster\,” “Tutti Frutti\,” “Cotton Candy” or “Avalanche Apple Slam.”) These “vape sauce” flavors represent an obviously cynical marketing approach on the part of companies who clearly target young people\, while adhering to the fiction that the product is meant only for the legal user (age 18 and over). Virtually all marketers know that the best time to grab new customers is in the teen (or even tween) years\, said Russell. And this is a $3.7 billion market\, she added\, projected to rise to $5.1 billion by end of 2018\, with three major tobacco companies involved. Teens are blissfully ignorant of risk\, and believe “vape sauce” is harmless\, said Russell\, and though some products are labelled “nicotine-free\,” the industry is not well regulated. The flavoring agents\, notably\, are unregulated\, and though their ingredients may have been approved for ingesting\, they haven’t been approved for inhalation into the lungs. Some trace compounds in the flavored “vape sauce” are carcinogenic\, if inhaled. \nRegulation holds no appeal for companies seeing profits from three million middle- and high-school students who use their products annually\, and some recent research on vaping is funded by the very companies who profit from it. However\, counter to early claims\, there is data to show that vaping has NOT proven an easy path to quitting traditional cigarettes; rather\, vaping may prompt teens to START smoking traditional cigarettes\, within 6 months of e-cigarette use. Further\, the kids who vape and JUUL are not seduced solely by nicotine producers. Vaping has a huge presence on social media\, with YouTube videos demonstrating “vape tricks” under titles like “simple vape tricks everyone should know.” Hiding a JUUL in the string of a hoodie (readily accessible to pop in the mouth for a quick hit) or creating weird vapor “trails” are shown as easy\, fun ways to rebel. Ducking under a desk for a quick hit in class\, when the teacher turns to the board\, works too. \nJUUL\, with its small size and resemblance to a pen or USB stick is the most popular delivery system with many kids. It is easy to hide (adults don’t recognize it) and is convenient – it comes with pre-filled pods\, carrying a liquid nicotine of choice. It’s easily found at any bodega or online. Kids “hack” the system by taking it apart to access the heating coil and pour liquid on it directly to intensify the hit (“dripping”)\, or to swap out nicotine for THC\, in the pod. It’s ubiquitous – and its popularity is going nowhere but up. \nSo\, is this really safe? Russell noted side effects: impulsivity\, attention deficits\, gum disease\, lung cell damage\, bronchitis\, wheezing\, elevated blood pressure and “popcorn lung” (scarring). It’s time to “amass forces\,” said Russell\, which will take “all of us\, working together” to intervene – parents\, schools\, community. Early prevention works best\, she said; Hallways currently goes into the schools to do its preventive work. Ask your kids what’s happening in their schools around this subject\, she advised. \nRussell stressed again that the heart of successful intervention is overall social-emotional wellness\, combined with strong family relationships\, with a focus on coping\, decision making\, stress management\, building interpersonal skills and empathy. What should parents know about what THEY can do to help? \n1) STRONG ADULT RELATIONSHIPS are key. Do your part in strengthening yours with your child. \n2) SKILL REINFORCEMENT is crucial. It must come from home\, school\, community. Russell likened it to teaching a toddler to walk – parents patiently assist them over and over until they can manage alone. Social-emotional skills\, too\, need to be WALKED THROUGH and PRACTICED\, over and over. \n3) REPETITION is key. You don’t tell your child once in his life to pick up his clothes and make his bed; you remind him\, again and again. Social-emotional skills\, too\, take reminding over time to become habit. Tell your children over and over that you want them make good choices. \n4) BE PROACTIVE: talk to your child EARLY\, OFTEN and CONSISTENTLY. Russell noted that kids “value their relationships with their parents and want to know they can talk to you\, even if they seemingly resist.” \n5) USE TEACHABLE MOMENTS. Become adept at the “one-minute conversation\,” described by Russell as quick\, frequent\, in-the-moment observations you can make to your teen. And for longer conversations\, carve out the time needed to extend those teachable moments into a full discussion. \n6) EMPATHIZE. It’s hard to be a teen! Remember? Recognize their lives are tough\, often with social hurt. \n7) DON’T CRITICIZE TEEN FRIENDS. Instead of saying “I don’t like so and so – she’s trouble\,” say that you’re worried about her well-being. Express concern for the friend. If you convey concern\, your child will know that if he screws up\, you’ll worry about him rather than reject him. \n8) SET BOUNDARIES. Be clear with your expectations. Say plainly\, “I don’t want you vaping\, I don’t want you smoking pot – I want you to be healthy and safe.” \n9) MODEL what you want to see. If you come home and say\, “What an awful day – I need a drink!” what are you telling your child? That if things are tough\, go find a chemical? Wrong message! \n10) ANTICIPATE SITUATIONS\, TALK THROUGH THEM\, AND ROLE PLAY. If you want your child to avoid risky situations\, play through them and help her brainstorm ways to handle them safely\, or extricate herself. \n11) ENFORCE CONSEQUENCES for risky behaviors. Russell acknowledge this is a hard one\, always. Yet\, she said\, kids who have no consequences are pitied by other kids. Kids with them\, feel cared for. \nRussell also noted warning signs for parents to heed. For nicotine use: evidence of pods or packaging in bedrooms or backpacks; little thumb-drive-looking things; unusual changes in online purchases; hiding/secrecy (sneaking out to vape/JUUL); anxiety\, or restlessness. For THC: red eyes; dilated or constricted pupils; changes in sleep/eating/activity patterns; changes in dress or grooming; declining grades or decline in extracurricular participation. \nKatherine Prudente\, Hallways Program Manager\, noted that a substance abuse problem develops over time\, and she outlined the stages: \n1) This is fun\, and it feels good. (Your child still has some control). \n2) I want to do it again. (Still more a “want” than a “need.”) \n3) I had a terrible day and I need to get high. (Now it’s a need). \n4) I feel bad if I don’t use. (Now it’s a requirement to avoid withdrawal; fully developed dependence). \nIt is important\, said Prudente\, to intervene before there is a fully developed pattern of dependence. The Hallways intervention system (Hallways Indicated Prevention Program\, or HIPP) follows a protocol of assessment (teasing out symptoms vs. normal teen behavior\, identifying other factors that may be at play\, such as depression or anxiety and determining what intervention is needed); short-term counseling (including learning healthy skills and practicing); and referrals (if indicated). \nPrudente also provided a short list of intervention strategies that parents may use:\n1) If you see something\, say something. \n2) Parents/caregivers must all be on the same page and the same team. \n3) Trust the strength of your relationship. \n4) Always lead with concern. \n5) Use dialog\, not reprimands. \n6) Discuss family history – if there is addiction\, share that information with your child. \n7) Seek support. \nFinally\, she advised\, find your OWN words for talking points. Express yourself as yourself\, in ways that will help your child hear you. Be clear. Most important\, say where you stand\, without ambiguity. \nThe speakers then took a few audience questions: \nQ: What is the nicotine high? A: The “hit” may make users a little dizzy\, but they don’t know they’re hooked until they cannot get more of it. It is subtle. \nQ: Does vapor trigger smoke alarms? A: No \nQ: Are e-cigs as toxic as traditional ones? A: No\, but they aren’t safe. It’s like the difference between 60 mph with no seatbelt or 90 mph with no seatbelt. Neither is safe\, but it’s a matter of degree. \nQ: Where do kids get THC? A: Online\, in the form of oil or “dabs.” \nAll parents want the same things – to see their children grow up healthy\, and to keep them safe. But no parent\, alone\, can face a crisis of the expanding magnitude of the JUUL/vape crisis. Take heart\, take heed of Hallways’ valuable tips\, and take comfort in numbers – we are a community. Stay involved\, informed and connected\, and together our community will find the strength to support our children – through love\, attention and ALWAYS\, through consistent communication. \nFREEDOM INSTITUTE\, a non-profit organization\, was founded in 1976 as one of the country’s first intervention programs. For more information about Freedom Institute\, its services and the Hallways Program in New York City middle and upper schools\, go to www.freedominstitute.org or www.hallways.org. \n[pdfviewer]https://parentsinaction.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Hallways_Vaping_11Apr18-reduced.pdf[/pdfviewer]
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/pia-seminar-2018/
LOCATION:Collegiate School Auditorium\, 301 Freedom Place South\, New York\, NY\, United States
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20161026T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20161026T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012925Z
CREATED:20180917T215533Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012925Z
UID:1544-1477508400-1477513800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Seminar 2016
DESCRIPTION:Sexual Consent and Your Teen By Lori Gaon \nIf you’re shying away from having “the talk” with your teen\, perhaps you should reconsider. Today\, social media is pervasive\, and kids as young as seven may be exposed to pornography. With this sobering warning in mind\, NYC-Parents in Action’s Fall Seminar on October 26th addressed the timely topic of Teens\, Sex and Consent. The five-member panel\, moderated by Lucy Martin Gianino\, answered questions\, offered insight and gave guidance to parents navigating this complex and emotionally charged subject.\nJustine Fonte\, M.Ed\, MPH and Director of Health & Wellness at The Dalton School\, began the evening by explaining that as parents\, the framework within which we were taught about consent has since changed. “The ‘No means no\,’ that we grew up with is no longer effective\,” she said. While we were taught to say “NO!” loud and clear\, to not dress or dance a certain way and to not get drunk\, today’s teens live in a world of nuance and mixed messages that have had significant impact on the issue of consent. The clear message from the panel was that young people need to understand that only enthusiastic consent means yes. Teens need to hear the word “Yes” from each other when engaging in sexual interaction\, Fonte explained\, and only a clear “yes means yes’’ can eliminate blurred lines and mixed messages. With the old “no means no\,” it’s “easy to see how things get confusing\, especially if there’s alcohol involved with the yes; or if one partner is silent; or says only ‘Um. . . okay.’” Kids need to understand that in most cases “all of those are ‘no.’”\nIlann Mazel\, an attorney nationally recognized for championing children and people with disabilities and filing discrimination suits on their behalf\, often deals with cases involving sexual assault. “Media messaging can be the root of the problem when dealing with teenage sexual consent cases\,” he said. While cases don’t often involve violence at this age\, many young people who have been accused of sexual misconduct don’t understand what they’ve done wrong. “Issues of consent are complicated and can be confusing at any age\, but are especially so for a teenager\,” he warned\, agreeing with Fonte’s insistence on teens giving and receiving a firm “yes!” when consenting to sex.\nWhen does this all begin? In answer to the moderator’s question\, “When do these things start to happen for a teen?” Fonte answered that by age 10 or 11 kids start to explore their sexuality. Their natural attraction to others\, due to hormones and their biology\, is given far greater reach with access to a smart phone\, which boosts the likelihood they will be exposed to sex by way of pornography at a very young age. Asked if the majority of our children are exposed to pornography\, Emi Nakazato\, a sexual-assault awareness and prevention educator\, said that unfortunately\, for many young people\, in the absence of any other conversation about sex\, porn may be their first avenue of sex education. “Pornography is powerful and the conflation of sex and violence can seem normalized\, given the ease of access\,” she said. “Many young men today watch so much porn that they often get desensitized.”\nRachel Henes continued the conversation. “Kids start absorbing messages about gender and sex from the day they are born\,” she said. Henes\, the director of Hallways\, Freedom Institute’s evidence-based prevention and social-emotional wellness program serving the Independent School community in New York City\, noted that all their lives\, kids receive messages about sex and while sexual behaviors may not manifest until middle or high school\, by the time they do\, a kid’s perspective on sex is often one of sexual conquest or dominance. “These messages are in the world around us\, in the air we breathe\,” she said.\n“We as parents need to be really clear about our expectations for our kids. Kids are confused because we’re confused\,” said Henes. “Take homework for instance. We are clear in what we expect\, but as adults we’re often not clear about consent and being respectful of the other person. . . making sure the other person is actively into the sexual activity. We need to look at sex as interacting with another human and care how they are doing.”\nEmpathy\, Nakazato said\, plays a key role in the sexual consent conversation. “Empathy can be taught\,” she noted and is important because “when used it makes it difficult to dehumanize another person.” The lack of empathy\, added Henes\, “is rooted in the ideas about sexual conquest and dominance that our culture sends – so we need to address those with our kids in order to promote empathy\, and that is something that parents can do.”\nNakazato delivered some humor to the somber audience\, sharing a food analogy she has used as a way to initiate a sex positive conversation with her own teens. “Not every time you have sex is it going to be a five-star experience. Sometime it may just be like a snack\, because you’re hungry. Food experiences can have a huge range\, anywhere from a memorable Jean George experience to a simple granola bar. In extreme cases food can . . .make you sick or kill you from food poisoning. It could take a long time to experience a Jean George meal.” The same can be said of sex. You may have to eat “a lot of granola bars before you ever get to experience Jean George\,” she said\, her point being that sex can be experienced on a wide continuum\, from exquisite to horrifying. Hence\, the importance of teaching kids to communicate\, listening to each other and making certain that they heard their sexual partner say “yes.”\nHenes agreed that it’s never too early to offer positive messaging about consent. Speaking of her own “teachable moments” with her soon-to-be three-year-old son\, she described using interactions with their cat as a tool to teach consent. “He has to notice what the cat wants\,” she said. If her child wants to give the cat a hug and the cat reacts by pulling away\, Henes has taught her son to respect that the cat doesn’t want a hug right now. If the cat stays put\, her son can hug the cat.\nNorms and social stereotypes that contribute to unhealthy ideas about masculinity affect both boys and girls. “The messaging is very limiting to boys\,” said Fonte. “They often feel like they’re expected to have sex by a certain age\, and when terms like\, ‘you throw like a girl’ or ‘don’t be such a pussy’ are tossed around\,” it makes them feel like they are supposed to be part of that culture. “Stereotypes don’t stop there\,” said Henes. Teen boys tend to repeat back phrases they think describe what being a boy means (“Be aggressive;” “Never cry;” “Be awesome at sports;” “Have sex;” “Never show emotion”) or suffer being teased or mocked.\n“The more that boys are tied into these ideas of traditional masculinity\, the higher the likelihood they may perpetrate some of these [negative] behaviors or be silent about others who do\,” added Henes. But rather than focusing on these messages\, we often focus on girls’ behaviors by sending messages like “don’t drink\, don’t wear certain clothing\, don’t act certain ways.” These messages don’t promote consent – they promote victim blaming. We need to notice this\, and instead\, spend our time challenging unhealthy ideas that connect sex and dominance/conquest\, and linking sex with kindness\, compassion\, and respect.\nParents of girls\, Henes continued\, need to have ongoing conversations with their daughters\, to mitigate pressures that girls often feel. She suggested parents start by asking\, “What do you think this ad is saying?” and provide supportive commentary\, like “‘I think this sends a message that a girl’s worth is in her body and how she looks and I want to make sure that you know that I don’t feel that way. You’re so much more than that.’ Conversations like this chip away at the onslaught of media messaging.”\nSo as parenting experts have said time and time again\, talking to our children early is a vital part of the job. Keeping lines of communication open is fundamental\, especially when it comes to sex and consent. It’s never too early to initiate the talk.
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-seminar-2016/
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
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BEGIN:VEVENT
DTSTART;TZID=America/New_York:20151007T190000
DTEND;TZID=America/New_York:20151007T203000
DTSTAMP:20181009T012925Z
CREATED:20180917T212622Z
LAST-MODIFIED:20181009T012925Z
UID:1532-1444244400-1444249800@parentsinaction.org
SUMMARY:Fall Seminar 2015
DESCRIPTION:Your Child and Online Safety: Communication Matters By Melanie Wells \nVirtually all parents – when they have doubts or agonize over solving a child-rearing problem – share a drive to reach the goal that trumps all others: to “keep my child safe.” The Internet has expanded the territory parents need to cover\, and at the October 7th PIA Fall Seminar\, attendees received insight and guidance on how best to do so\, from Chauncey Parker\, Special Policy Advisor in the Manhattan DA’s office; and Liz Repking\, Founder of Cyber Safety and Consulting. \n \nIn a free-ranging discussion of Online Safety and Parenting in the Digital Age\, Repking and Parker\, although coming from differing areas of expertise (digital technology and criminal justice) found common ground on which to base two fundamental and valuable pieces of advice to parents:\nChoices matter; and\nTalk to your kids. \nMs. Repking\, an energetic mother of three with a relaxed and candid delivery\, opened by telling parents “I’m living this with you\,” using anecdotes from her own experience to illustrate ways parents can stay ahead of Internet pitfalls. \nRecently\, she reported\, she heard her husband telling their middle-school-aged daughter\, who was online\, to “get off now.” Apparently her daughter had engaged in a real-time conversation with another girl\, purportedly eleven years old\, who was pressing for information about Repking’s daughter’s location\, soccer team and other details. Ms. Repking took a screen shot of the conversation and brought it to a detective\, who read through the conversation and said of the other writer\, “I can tell you\, that is NOT an 11-year-old girl.” \nDo not assume “my kid won’t make a decision to do that\,” warned Repking; the truth is\, kids don’t always “recognize a situation as it unfolds.” Giving a few advance guidelines and then assuming all is well\, are simply not enough. A parent must teach self-esteem\, good decision-making skills\, and how to have good relationships – all affect a child’s ability to judge wisely online – and the best way to impart these skills is through regular\, open communication. Through involvement in a child’s online life\, and keeping an eye open for conversational opportunities\, parents have a good shot at achieving the goal of “keeping my kids safe” – on the Internet\, just as on public streets. \n“I have lots of stories\,” Repking confided\, before offering another illustrative tale\, in which a 15-year-old girl receives a friend request (via Facebook) from a boy her age\, whose profile includes a great photo and a big credible list of friends – delivered in an engaging and winning manner. She responds\, they talk\, and she finds that he “really REALLY listens\, and he really ‘GETS’ me!” Confident about her new acquaintance\, she moves to texting\, and at his request\, sends him a photo. (Here Repking explained that it is a “cultural norm” in this age group to send questionable photos. In this case\, the girl sends one of her breasts. Bad judgment? Perhaps\, Repking said\, but the scenario is not unusual.) \nSoon the boy acknowledges he’s “not really 15\, but 18.” That gives temporary pause\, but with more messaging her concerns fade\, and she agrees to meet him. But first\, he says\, “I’m not really 18\, I’m 27.” \nRepking told this story to a group of high school kids\, and they were fine with every step – until the last one. Before the writer admitted to being 27\, the kids agreed they too would text\, send a photo\, and agree to meet him\, even if he was “really 18.” But . . . 27? A typical response was\, “Oh that’s gross.” \nThere are three choices available here\, said Repking: you meet him; you don’t meet him but risk his exposing the breasts photo; or you tell your parents. But what if parents have threatened to take the phone away if it is misused? Most kids didn’t want to tell parents. Some said they’d go meet the predator\, but take a friend along. Repking said that was no solution – it just gives him “two for the price of one.” In most cases\, she said\, the kid does meet the predator. \nWhat parents must do\, advised Repking\, is give their kids a way “to make a safe decision.” Her advice: tell your kids they have one chance (she likened it to a “get out of jail free” card): you screw up\, you tell me – one time – and I’ll help you\, without punishment. This operates much like the “call your parents when too drunk to drive” pact (“if you call\, I’ll come and get you\, I won’t expose you and I’ll ensure your safe return home – we can talk later”). The agreement helps your child make the safe decision. If she’s more scared of your reaction than she is of meeting the predator\, she may not make that safer decision. \nWe educate children well about street safety – hammering the lessons home over many years\, reviewing detailed scenarios with specifics (Don’t go near that white van! Don’t believe the lost puppy story!) but we hand over an iPhone with very little specific direction about the dangers it might bring\, said Repking. We walk our kids everywhere for years\, and after that\, ask them to walk with a friend. Just as on the street the predator seeks the child who is alone\, the Internet predator seeks the child whose information is “wide open” with no privacy walls. So don’t let your child be that one\, advises Repking. Monitor your child’s activity. Establish privacy settings AS SOON AS YOU GIVE YOUR CHILD A PHONE. Let him see you do this\, and explain why it’s done. She suggested parents find and learn to set up Google Safe Search\, YouTube Safety Mode and My Mobile Watchdog. \nAbove all\, communicate. Keep dialogue open. Talk about the technology and the what-ifs of having an online life. Kids may parrot the rules\, but that doesn’t mean good judgment will kick in if a situation seems harmless to them. (Remember the 15-year-old girl who sent the inappropriate picture to the 27-year old “boy” who seemed so nice?) Repking advised telling kids to “hit the pause button” and ask themselves\, “how would I feel if what I’m about to post were on the front page of the NY Times?” She stressed\, “what goes up\, stays up” and whatever you post “is your reputation.” And even worse\, whatever you expose “is your future.” One college student who briefly posted a gun emoji and then took it down\, soon found the police at his door and ended up getting kicked out of college. Tell your children about consequences\, says Repking. Find illustrative news articles\, and discuss them. \nChauncey Parker\, Special Policy Advisor in the Manhattan District Attorney’s office\, identified himself first by saying “I’m a Dad.” Offering background on what he’d learned working in criminal justice\, he also made it clear he shared the concerns of every parent\, and offered to share strategies he has found effective in keeping his own children safe. Echoing Repking\, he stressed the high value of communication\, as well as caution\, and “making good choices.” \nAfter giving a brief overview of the success New York City has enjoyed\, moving from crime-ridden in the 1980’s to a much safer level now (in 1990 the murder figure was 500; in 2014\, it was 37)\, Parker noted that “the Internet is the crime scene of the 21st century.” Offering a parallel\, he told parents the goal of the criminal justice system has been to make the people of Manhattan as safe as possible but not use one more jail day than necessary to make that happen. Instrumental to the success of keeping this balance has been crime strategies units\, which figure out where problems are\, precinct by precinct\, and develop strategies specifically to combat those problems. Similarly\, the dangers the Internet poses to our children are best met with good strategizing. \nSo how do we keep our Internet-using kids safe? Parker offered three rules:\nPasswords matter – never share passwords\, with anyone.\nAge matters – your child’s\, and the age of the person he/she talks to.\nChoices matter – kids need your help learning how to make good ones. \nParker gave a sobering example of the first rule: a high school student\, who never got an email from the college he hoped to attend\, inquired\, and learned they’d already gotten a response from him saying “I’m not coming.” Distraught\, the student discovered the college gave away the place they’d reserved for him. He had given his cousin his password. The cousin’s boyfriend sent the impersonating email\, rejecting the college’s offer. The cousin may have been trustworthy\, but the student’s account was still misused. If you never share a password\, you never have to worry that it will be re-shared beyond your control. \nThe one exception Parker gave is that in an emergency\, parents may need a son or daughter’s password. The justice system constantly strives to achieve a balance between security and liberty\, said Parker\, yet\, he noted\, the iPhone is designed to be impenetrable. If your child is in danger\, you may be able to help police by supplying a password. Respect your child’s privacy\, but try to keep his password in a secure place you will go to ONLY in an emergency. \nThe Internet can also be a “crime scene” when your own child is not the victim\, but the perpetrator\, wittingly or unwittingly. Your child should be taught that the list of Internet crimes includes: Criminal Impersonation (of which the cousin’s boyfriend was guilty); Aggravated Harassment (communicating a threat by computer or other electronic means); and Unlawful Dissemination (e.g.\, sending out video taken without victim’s knowledge and consent\, and then posting\, without consent). Just as your child must be taught not to let him or herself become a victim of these crimes\, she or he must not commit these crimes. \nThis is why choices matter. Learning to make good choices is a big part of maturing. Using the Internet within the boundaries of common sense and in compliance with rules and terms of use opens up a wider world\, safely. Going outside those boundaries is unsafe\, whether one is victim or perpetrator. Parker says he tells his kids\, if you drive and have an accident without a drop of alcohol in your blood\, it is an accident. If you have any alcohol in your system\, it may be a crime. Internet misuse\, too\, can cross the line into the criminal. Know where the lines are drawn\, and make sure your kids know too. \nParker said\, “The Internet is amazing\,” yet acknowledged its potential to have lasting negative effect on one’s future if not used properly. A good parental strategy for Internet crime prevention that will protect children is to “be cautious\, not fearful.” Parker reminded parents to recall the words of Thomas Jefferson: “Whenever you do a thing\, act as if all the world were watching.” The Internet\, said Parker\, makes it so – the world is\, in a sense\, watching. \nHis parting advice was a reminder\, once again\, to teach your children how to “make good choices.”
URL:https://parentsinaction.org/event/fall-seminar-2015/
CATEGORIES:Webinars
ORGANIZER;CN="NYC-Parents In Action":MAILTO:info@parentsinaction.org
END:VEVENT
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